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  • You Can’t Control an Interaction 100%

    by AlphaWolf & Co.
    1 comment

    Guest Post by David Black

    It’s amazing how our brains want to go into overdrive and think of every little thing that may go wrong in an interaction with women.

    This is especially common when you are just about to approach a girl: You suddenly think of every little thing that may go badly and then suddenly, boom, you drop the ball.

    Good old approach anxiety rearing it’s ugly noggin.

    Approach anxiety is a total ball ache. And it is closely related to this ‘failure visualisation’ that we’re talking about here. It stems from always feeling like you need to be totally certain of what to do.

    You might have found yourself trying to plan every tiny detail of an approach. You try to think of everything that may happen, or may go wrong, and have a plan to sort it out if need be. You try to think of everything you are going to say and talk about. You want be sure exactly how the interaction is going to progress.

    Sounds like a great plan right? No fear of anything going wrong. Always knowing what to say. Every angle covered. Well, this comfort is a self-sabotaging illusion, as we shall see.

    You see, the best laid plans hardly ever turn out the way you want them too. If that was the case then life would be so much simpler and we would all be getting laid a lot more than we are right now. :-)

    You have to realise that there is no way you can plan every outcome when it comes to how to get a girl.

    Trying to control every detail is impossible because you are dealing with another human being. A living person who makes their own decisions. No matter how much stuff you learn the women out there always seem to be able to spring a surprise on you.

    If, for example, you approach a girl using a certain opener, you may not get the desired response that you have planned for. Every girl is different and therefore every one has to be handled in a different way. Yes girls have similar traits, but no two girls are exactly the same. Therefore the interactions and responses will differ slightly.

    The solution then, is not worry about every tiny little detail that may happen. Focus on learning enough to have a basic knowledge of what to do. Then go out and put it into action. Don’t worry about what’s going to happen.

    Fly by the seat of your pants.

    If you start finding that, at certain points of interactions, you keep coming unstuck then you may need to learn some more stuff. It’s not about trying to control everything but instead having enough knowledge to deal with stuff that may be thrown your way.

    Most guys learn so much stuff but never put it into action. They are always thinking of new things that may happen and therefore choose to learn what to do if this ever happens instead of putting what they already know into action.

    What’s the solution?

    The key is to put what you learn into action without fearing the unknown. Learn how to approach a girl. Then go out into the real world and approach a few girls. Once you get this mastered you can think about learning the next step.

    You will know what you need to learn next because it will be the one thing that keeps creeping up and ending your current interactions. Your current sticking point if you will. You can then go back to learning exactly what you need to learn in order to progress.

    Don’t get stuck being one of these guys who tries to learn everything so that he can plan for every scenario that may crop up. These guys get stuck in their bedrooms learning but never putting anything into action. DO NOT BE ONE OF THESE GUYS.

    Learn a bit, do a bit. Bite size chunks. Success with women will come faster than you ever thought possible.

    Speak soon,
    David Black

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    1 comment

    Jake October 30, 2010 - 5:43 pm

    Good post David, I like the “failure visualization” bit, that was well put. Trying to control other people never works and leads to a lot of frustration. You’ve got to realize that some things are just beyond your control and make peace with that reality.

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