date: Sat 15 Dec 2003 17:25 GMT
subject: What to Say versus How to Say…See that is complaining. There is nothing about you in there. It is about everything outside of yourself. That makes …
Keep in mind that it is not what you talk about that matters so much as how you talk about it. Make your ‘situation’ interesting and people will talk about you all day. This includes ‘negative’ things.
You want to get better at expressing yourself at all times. This includes when you are angry or sad. Your life is a play and your world is a stage. Practice by telling people what is inside.
When you go see a good movie or a play you are not turned off by the actor’s negative emotions and situation. Instead you are drawn in deeper.
You can talk about the bad things in your life. Just don’t do it in a complaining way – that is not attractive and is not about your humanity. I’ll show you the difference:
“I found out today that my company is laying me off. What a bunch of jerks. They give themselves bonuses earlier this year and now they are letting half the research staff go.”
See that is complaining. There is nothing about you in there. It is about everything outside of yourself. That makes for dull and monotonous listening. Everybody talks like this and it sucks.
Now compare to the following.
“I found out today that my company is laying me off. I feel betrayed and a little lost.”
Okay, maybe not an opener, but you see the difference. The first one leads to a conversation about the bad world that sucks the life out of people. The second leads to a conversation about inner feelings and values. It is not so difficult to imagine a girl suggesting, “Maybe it is a time to make a fresh start and the beginning of a new adventure.”
Also don’t be afraid to let a girl take charge and mother you a little in times when you are feeling down. And letting others into your world might also get you cheered up along the way. Always feeling like you must be in a good mood or always ‘on’ in order to be attractive is a mistake that many guys fall into. They may even get really good at getting girls as long as they are in ‘state’ but then never feel like it is them getting girls but a character that they play. You don’t want to do be that way. Instead, realize that what is attractive is your range of human essence. Show all emotions. What you want to be is confident enough to ‘think aloud’.
Sure, sometimes you are not going to feel like talking to anyone or sharing your problems. But I recommend pushing yourself past your comfort zone with this. Try just talking with friends about your life when you wouldn’t ordinarily share and speak deeper and more from the heart.