Quick Definition: The congruent behavior of an individual (usually a man) who conveys all the alpha qualities of a tribal leader, but does so without creating mistrust, friction, or otherwise negative feelings. Instead, the warm alpha leader is able to lead using positive characteristics.
As PUAs, we are already aware of the concept of the alpha male. Alpha males are the leader of their group, and so it makes sense that AMOGs should impose their dominance over other males in front of girls. In some ways, this is correct.
However, being macho isn’t always going to work. Because sometimes, to convey alpha-ness, we are reacting to an existing situation and the reaction is incongruent with the alpha-ness the PUA is trying to portray.
For example, alphas cutting people off and dominating the conversation are not congruent with true alpha behavior. A true alpha is able to let people have their moments, and still remain alpha throughout the whole game.
The opposite of warm is cold behavior. Being warm means that you embrace the success of other people, and you give them the credit (you think) they deserve. Speaking of giving credit, this concept of warm alpha is developed by my friend Oracle of Sweden:
The perhaps best example of this difference is when you’ve just gotten yourself a gorgeous girl – you know she is, and your friends should too. Now if you have good friends, they’ll give you props for having such success, understanding that you are very lucky now and would like their support. After all, they are some of the people that are closest to you. Sadly enough, not all people are like that.
As you may have noticed, some of those who you would call friends aren’t actually giving you props for your successes, instead, they are telling you that she is not hot enough, or not good enough in some other way. They might even tell you that she isn’t their type of girl, nothing they would go for, not a girl of their caliber because they are more picky than you are, etc. Of course, their taste has nothing to do with this – after all, it’s your girl, not theirs, so the only thing that counts is your happiness, not theirs.
Why on earth then are they belittling you? There is certainly a conscious aspect of them that is belittling you, because at the very least they are being inconsiderate of your feelings. The true nature they reveal by doing this lies in jealousy; they are jealous of what you have, and jealousy can only arise because they are comparing themselves to you. They are constantly in silent competition with you, measuring their own success against yours. Or actually, measuring your success against theirs: taking this one step further, we may note that they are the ones who are competing against you and not the other way around. This is because they envy you but you don’t envy them. In other words, you have more success than they do, and they want that part of your life. Just like no professional tennis player would compare his skills against some layman, no ladies man would compare his success against some clueless chump. Although most people don’t give this level of analysis to cold behaviors, they intuitively understand that it comes from jealousy and envy. And everybody knows that the subject of envy is of lower value than its object. To conclude, cold behavior is bad because it entails low value.
It takes a lot to give other people credit for their success, especially when they have achieved something great. But if you can give other people the credit they deserve, and perhaps even expect from you, not only will they appreciate you more, the people around you will automatically assume that you are of high value. This is because the ones that validate other people for their successes are the ones who are already happy with themselves and don’t feel that they lose their value by acknowledging other people’s value.
Here are some typical cold behaviors:
- Never or rarely smiling.
- Having a stone face when talking to other people, guys included.
- Complaining a lot about various stuff in their lives.
- Not laughing or having fun when everyone else is.
- Not giving props or credit when it’s suitable/expected.
- Cold beta: loser type guys with no success that dislike pretty much everybody that doesn’t share their misery. They come across as annoying guys with a lot of negative thinking.
- Warm beta: provider type guys that aspire to become as successful as the successful people around them. They come across as nice guys with a big heart, but not attractive.
- Cold alpha: macho type guys that don’t take shit from others but won’t give other guys any approval or acknowledge their alphaness. They are often perceived as insecure, being “hard on the outside but soft on the inside.” They are sometimes good enough for girls to sleep with (being lover type), but they are not considered a good catch.
- Warm alpha: successful guys that spread good emotions where ever they go. They take out the best of everybody, and people can improve by just hanging around them.
Let’s look at an example of how these different types of people would act in a situation where there’s 3 girls and another guy competing with you for the same girl in a club. Assume he is not a friend of theirs and he is fairly good. Depending on what type of person you are the following could happen:
- Cold beta: you give up and leave.
- Warm beta: you talk to him as well as the girls, and would leave him alone if you got the girl and keep talking to the others.
- Cold alpha: you become aggressive towards him, trying to display your alpha male status over him in an obvious way.
- Warm alpha: you steal the girls attention by being more fun and interesting, are always the one guiding the conversational topics (holding the frame), displaying your alpha male status in a subtle way.
This is only an example to give you a feeling for the different types of behavior; if it was obvious that the girls didn’t like the other guy and he is not good you could actually benefit from letting him keep working on his bad frame, until the girls get bored and then take over.
[As a PUA] You want to be the warm alpha; nothing else is good enough. This is not something that should take time to improve, you can start working on warm behavior and alpha behavior right now, at this very moment. Whenever you get this feeling of envy or jealousy towards any of your friends, realize that this is a behavioral pattern that you need to change, and do it right away by giving away that compliment they deserve! You’ll be surprised to see that you won’t actually feel worse by doing so, and they will certainly feel better.
Allen Shore (James Spader) exhibits a good example of warm alpha as a genius lawyer in The Practice/Boston Legal:
Nick is great at naturally conveying warm alpha behavior.