Using Your Smile

Context: Magnus explains how to smile

I used to smile wrong. I would spot an attractive woman, make eye contact with her and then smile full-tilt. My expression jumped from dour to grinning in a split second. This came across as forced and awkward and kept me celibate for years. A woman would think, ‘Why is this guy suddenly smiling at me? What did I do? Is there mustard on my blouse?’ I would make her feel uncomfortable and paranoid. I didn’t come across as a happy outgoing person but rather as a person who put her on the spot.

You probably have had the experience of hanging out with some friends in public. Maybe it was at a restaurant or maybe a shopping mall. You were happy and laughing and smiling. But then you turned away from your group briefly and caught a stranger’s eye. That was when an amazing-thing happened. Even though your smile was a random ‘drive-by’ smile and not meant for that person, the stranger warmly returned it. Maybe it was an old man, maybe it was a punk rocker, maybe it was a hot girl, and maybe you turned away in surprise but the exchange felt organic.

Smiling looks natural and has its greatest effect when it is how you are and not something you do to a woman. The way to make use of your beautiful, charming smile is to have it already on your lips and twinkling in your eyes before making eye contact. That way you are seen as the happy, confident person you are.

When a strange woman looks at you, you have about .01 seconds to do something, anything, before she looks away. That’s not much time. You may not be able to react that fast. I know I can’t. At this moment, as I’m sitting in a coffee shop writing these words, there sits an attractive young woman at a table not far from me. She is pecking at a notebook computer – working on her college homework, I presume. If I were to stand up and walk towards her table she might glance up at me. If that were to happen I would respond with… nothing. I would be in a state of ‘shock and awe’.

Without me saying or doing anything to engage her, she would simply return to her work. In order to open a dialogue I would then have to re-break her focus. You don’t get many second chances to make a natural opener.

However if I utilize a little anticipation and put a smile on my face before she looks up, I might capture her attention. She will then have to return my smile out of reflex. That will give me an invitation to say hi or ask how she is or any number of little niceties. That warms the relationship up and gives me a moment to think of more engaging dialogue.

Let’s see what happens. Back in a minute…

Okay I’m back. She had a nice smile. We exchanged pleasantries. She’s not working on homework. She’s working on her sister’s parole application. I love being a PUA.

When you are approaching a woman have a smile already dancing across your face before she sees you. She will have to return it and then she will be predisposed to give you a good response. She feels to her as if she has invited you.

By Magnus

smile kitty