Originally by David Deangelo
Context: As part of his hugely successful Double Your Dating campaign, David D. reached the hearts of millions of lonely men in 2004 and gained a huge following. This was one of his emails to his list that added value to the reader.
Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With Women—And How To Make Sure YOU Avoid Every One Of These Deadly Common Mistakes…
MISTAKE #1: Being Too Much Of A “Nice Guy”
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted “nice” guys?
Of course you have.
Just like me, I’m sure you’ve had attractive female friends that always seemed to date “jerks”… but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.
What’s going on here?
It’s actually very simple…
Women don’t base their choices of men on how “nice” a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Being nice doesn’t make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION. And being NICE doesn’t make a woman CHOOSE you.
I realize that this doesn’t make a lot of logical sense, and it’s hard to ACCEPT… but GET OVER IT.
Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you’ll NEVER have the success with women that you want.
David D. strikes a very good point here, and that is: Without tension, there can be no attraction. You guys ever hear that old saying “Sexual Tension?” Well, there’s a reason it’s “Sexual.” Nice guys try to eliminate ALL conflict, ALL tension from their interactions with women because they mistakingly believe that by doing so, the woman will like them.
Well, it’s quite the opposite.
If you look at the “ass holes” or the guys that are good with chicks, you’ll see that for the most part they are good at creating that tension that’s just under the surface of the interaction. Be it by a devilish smile, or a suggestive comment that get’s the wheels in the girl’s brain churning, there’s something there that is NOT complacent or safe.
When you can create that tension, you will be taken out of the “nice guy” category.
MISTAKE #2: Trying To “Convince Her To Like You”
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like… but she’s just notinterested?
Right! They try to “convince” the woman to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you… YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, EVER.
You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.
Think about it.
If a woman doesn’t “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being “reasonable” with her?
But we all do it.
When a woman just isn’t interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.
Bad idea. One that will never work.
I think this is a mistake every guy has made during his lifetime. We get so into a girl, and when we find out she doesn’t feel the same way, we try to convince her of all the reasons WHY she should reciprocate our feelings.
Part of the reason this happens is becuase most guys don’t do the groundwork necessary upon the first meeting to evoke those feelings in the woman. That “Sexual Tension” we talked about earlier is not present. The guy has failed to engage the woman on any level other than “trust and comfort.” He has, in essence, failed to seduce her.
I like to think there are ways to turn this situation around, but one thing is for certain, arguing with the girl and trying to explain to her using logic why she should like you will never, ever work.
MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman’s “approval” or “permission”.
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them… EVER. Don’t get me wrong here.
You don’t have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.
But if you think that treating a woman well means “always getting her approval and permission for things”, think again.
You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.
Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her…
Let’s face it. People are lazy. They don’t want to make decisions for themselves. They don’t want to be in charge. They want leaders, a cause, a belief to invest themselves in. When it comes to women, they want a STRONG MAN to be with. Now, when I say strong, I don’t mean physically strong. I mean a man with a strong frame, strong beliefs, strong ideas. A man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to tell others what to do.
This is important, because most guys have been trained to put women on pedistals, to worship them like some type of special flower. But women are people. When you exhault them, you put them in a position they don’t want to be in. You put them in CONTROL. The woman suddenly becomes the one who has to make the decisions, who has to carry on the relationship, and frankly, she has too many other options available to her to do that.
Part of attracting women comes down to getting the woman you want to qualify to you, to accept the chellenges you present to her. In essence, to get her to adopt your frame, and do what YOU want to do.
MISTAKE #4: Trying To “Buy” Her Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn’t treat her even HALF as well as you did?
If you’re like me, then you’ve had it happen a LOT. Well guess what?
It’s only NATURAL when this happens…
That’s right, I said NATURAL.
When you do these things, you send a clear message:
“I don’t think you’ll like me for who I am, so I’m going to try to buy your attention and affection”.
Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That’s right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.
That’s right, and it’s the typically accepted “Dating Frame” that most guys buy into hook, line, and sinker. The fact of the matter is, buying expensive dinner and gifts is a REWARD, not a temptation. You can do that with girls you enjoy being with, that you are ALREADY sleeping with, because they’ve earned the priviledge of your affection — they know it, and you know it.
Until that time, it comes off as begging. Supplication. It’s you seeking a type of approval from a woman by “romancing” her. In the meantime, you’re eliminating that necessary tension that needs to exist for attraction. It’s okay to “go out” with a girl, but you don’t need to break the bank or shower her with gifts for her to like you. Sharing a cup of coffee or a drink is fine.
MISTAKE #5: Sharing “How You Feel” Too Early In The Relationship With Her Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they “feel” too early on.
Attractive women are rare.
And they get a LOT of attention from men.
Most men don’t realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME.
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what?
Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men. That’s right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying “You know, I really, REALLY like you” after one or two dates.
This signals to the woman that you’re just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast… and can’t control themselves.
Don’t do it. Lean back. Relax.
There’s a much better way…
Sharing your feelings with a woman too early on is much like showing your opponant you have a straight flush in a high stakes poker game. When you tell a woman you have strong feelings for her early on, you eliminate the sexual tension that attraction relies on. You take away the uncertainty of “Does he like me or not?” you put her fears and anticipations to rest.
In short: You kill the romance.
Not only that, but you exhault her and put yourself in the position of a begger. NOT the place you want to be in. Best to hide your intentions, and get HER to express her feelings for YOU first. Only then is it appropriate to tell her, because then she feels like she’s EARNED those feelings.
MISTAKE #6: Not “Getting” How Attraction Works For Women Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.
But does the same apply for women?
Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men… and they’re attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.
If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
But it’s not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how…
This is very true. I’ve talked a bit about how guys have these mental barriers they project into the real world. Things like “She won’t like me because I’m too bald, fat, ugly, etc.” That’s because in our reality as men, we do not find women who are ugly to be attractive. But when it comes to women, who are more emotional creatures and rely more on their feelings than logical thought when it comes to attraction, the biggest thing that gets them going is how a man can COMMUNICATE with them.
Communicate in ways such as what we say, body language, and our actions as men. Taking strong frames of “I am the prize. I am a great guy and women will be lucky to be with me” and imposing that on others will get you the same effect as a gorgeous body and Brad Pitt-like face, if pulled off right.
Guys who are good looking have a distinct, inherent advantage over the rest of us. But if they are boring guys who fail to keep the woman engaged, she is going to move on and look for someone else. You may not be able to change your looks, but you CAN change the way you communicate with women. In that respect, there is hope for all of us, and in my opinion, this is the area where Double Your Dating shines the most.
MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It Takes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they’ve even gotten started… because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money… or guys who are a certain height… or guys who are a certain age.
And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man’s personality than his wallet or his looks.
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet…
And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to “settle” for a woman just because you aren’t rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman. This is true. The Looks and Money barrier is just a social construct of your own making. I know LOTS of guys who AREN’T good looking and AREN’T rich who get an AMAZING ammount of pussy, all because they are cool, interesting guys.
For men, it’s hard to imagine this as being true, because if we see a woman we don’t find attractive, we don’t want to sleep with her. She could be the coolest chick in the world, but if we can’t get a boner for her, we wouldn’t want to have sex with her. However, the same is not true for women. Women don’t get boners. They get aroused in different ways, and this is what most guys fail to understand.
When a woman says “Oh, I’m not attracted to short guys,” that’s not necessarilly the truth. It just means that short guys don’t make her feel the same way that tall guys do. But if a short guy were to come along and make her feel the way she wants to, you can bet the barn she’s going to sleep with him, despite his height.
It’s all about setting the right frame and having the right beliefs.
MISTAKE #8: Giving Away All Of Your Power To Women
Earlier I mentioned that it’s a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.
Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.
Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.
Another bad idea…
Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over… Women aren’t attracted to Wussies!
Part of giving away your power is adopting the woman’s frame. Entering HER reality. When you let the woman you are with control the underlying meaning of the interaction you are having with her, you put yourself in a position where SHE determines what is true and what isn’t. When you ask her questions, you enter her reality deeper and deeper. You give up control.
When you do this, you take away sexual tension, and shuck all responsibility for the relationship. And like I said before, women do not want that burden. It’s always best to chellenge the woman, get her to qualify to you, and pull back, to the point where SHE is the aggressor, where SHE is persuing YOU.
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing EXACTLY What To Do In Each Type Of Situation With Women Now I’m going to blow your mind…
A woman ALWAYS knows what you’re thinking.
Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That’s ten TIMES.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you’re out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.
And if you don’t know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won’t help!
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating…
Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical… everything.
If you don’t know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up…and LOSE EVERYTHING.
And you KNOW it.
It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman… from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom. In short: It’s good to have a structure.
It’s also good to have experience. You need to know your stuff — your openers, your routines, your phase shifts, your kino games, your cold reads, etc. And more importantly, it’s important to know how to put it all together, and how to act.
Twenty-six trained himself to do this by taking EVERY interaction he had with women, be they ugly or hot, as far as he could so he could understand this structure and practice the late game. Women do notice details, and they are empathetic to the point where they can sense what you want to do (especially since most men are not in control of their body language) . Part of being a confident, cool guy is being experienced. Being comfortable making your move, knowing what to do, not caring what others think or if the girl rejects him.
And the best way to get comfortable doing this is with PRACTICE.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.
I know, guys don’t like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don’t like to ask for help.
Hey, I’ve been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women…
About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn’t know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to.
It frustrated the hell out of me.
One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn’t get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night… right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out.
I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I’ve dated models, I’ve dated actresses, and I’ve dated nice, normal, regular girls as well.
It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling… like I don’t know how to meet women… and I might wind up alone.
I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women.
I’ve written a book on the topic, and I’ve done seminars on both coasts of the United States… and taught tens of thousands of men all around the world. It’s true, that most guys look at the need to meet, date, and seduce women as being a “dirty little secret.” It’s that thing that we all SHOULD be able to do naturally, but for some reason, if we can’t, we feel like failures. I know this is something that I personally dealt with in my life. I’ve talked to friends about it, asking for advice, but most of the time it was the blind leading the blind on that subject, even though I thought my friends were good with women.
That’s why learning how to Pick-Up and Seduce women is so important. It’s about EMPOWERING yourself. It’s about building yourself up and IMPROVING your life, instead of letting life just bowl over you.
I Now Have A FREE, Three-Times-A-Week Email Newsletter…
…But the REALLY GREAT news is that I now publish a free email newsletter three times a week that teaches any guy how to increase his success with women DRAMATICALLY.
And I’d like to invite you to sign up.
It’s free, there’s no obligation, I’ll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I’ll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).
David DeAngelo’s newsletter is one of the oldest and best newsletters out there. He does do a lot of mailbags, which I’m not fond of, but he also sends out some good essays that are worth checking out. Plus, you can only get the GOOD DYD stuff through his newsletters, so if you’re looking to advance your skills, sign up and check out all David DeAngelo has to offer.
Of course, it even get’s better than that…
In addition to my free email newsletter, I also have a killer downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES from right now.
It’s JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and how to take things to a “physical” level smoothly and easily.
Oh, And One More Thing…
In this day and age of “instant gratification”, I realize that this might just sound like another late-night info-mercial promising to make you rich by next week.
Well, that’s not the case.
I’ve spent a lot of time, effort, and energy writing this eBook. I wanted to design and create a program that ANY guy could easily understand and start using IMMEDIATELY to meet and date more women… without having to lie, do dishonest things, or be “manipulative”.
I now believe that ANY man can be more successful with women and dating, and I get emails every day with success stories from guys who are using this program to meet and date wonderful women.
I know, I know… an ebook that can teach a regular guy how to be more successful in the dating world? No way.
Well believe me, this program will DRAMATICALLY increase your success with women… I absolutely guarantee it 100%.
And I’ll talk to you again soon.