The Phases Of Dating to Relationship

Context: unknown poster shares his experience on “dating phases”

This is typically how I operate if I like a girl and see the early phases of dating/relationships. This is not intended as a guide to one night stands, booty calls, etc. Just dating & escalation to girls you’ve just met and landed a date with. This assumes we’ve flirted and bantered *a little*, and then at some point I get her out on a real date, or better yet just, “hanging out,” with friends. (AKA, no fancy dinner or movie, etc. Just chilling out and grabbing a few beers, with her paying for part of the tab, etc.).

1) We hang out/go on one or two dates. There are some minor/flirty shit-tests to see if you can stand up to her, but nothing major. Steady escalation happens such that by the end of the 2nd date we are making out (usually in a car, her doorway, etc, but no sex).

2) By the 2nd or 3rd date, MAYBE by the 4th date at the outside (especially if one date was a lunch coffee date or something), we have at least oral sex, but most likely intercourse. If this hasn’t happened yet by the 3rd of 4th date, I NEXT her. The first sex is nice/OK, simply because of the novelty, although not mind blowing. You’re just happy it happened. Oddly enough, at this point the girl hasn’t totally given up her power. She can just pull a post-sexing Anti-Slut-Defense and say she was drunk, it ws a mistake, etc. This typically is another shit test, but you can never really tell.

3) ASSUMING I like the girl and would want to potentially turn her into a GF, and if the sex HAS happened, I will STILL ration out the meetings to about once every week on average (every 5-10 days depending). This is the make-it break it time. This is when the shit-tests temporarily start to taper off. They have already given you a bit of power, and now want to get some back by getting you in a relationship. So, they start acting more compliant. Girls I want to drop I let go at this point, and girls I want to just booty-call I keep at this length/maintain only once every week or two and NEVER take them out on real dates. But if if the girl is potential GF material, I will return her calls pretty faithfully and I’m not an asshole, etc. But I’m not in a huge rush to get her over and have sex w/ her. I am a busy man. This is to keep her on her toes post-sexing, and to prevent me from immediately trying to make her my GF. I will continue to do this for another week or two, until the slam-dunk seal-the-deal. Which is phase #4 below.

4) At some point after the first sex you decide to promote a girl to GF status. This happens usually the next weekend date or so, the dam breaks and we just start fucking like rabbits. I’m talking like 3-4 times Friday night, another couple of times Saturday day, another 3-4 session Saturday night, a lazy Sunday morning w/ sex, etc. The nervous apprehension is over, and now is the new exploration period, where the sex is particularly hot & unpredictable. We start to see each other multiple times per week–2-4 times at first. I call this the, “sleep deprevation phase.” The beauty of this phase is that there is NO DOUBT you are having sex again, but the newness/mystery of sex with a new person is there without the nervous apprehension. You just want to rip their clothes off. This is a critical time because this is where the dynamics of the sexual relationship is formed. There is no turning back for this girl. The shit-tests are at a DEAD STOP. She has decided that you are a strong enough man to REALLY want a relationship with you. She is past the Anti-Slut-Defenses and most likely in her mind is actively trying to convince you to be her boyfriend. If you are agressive & lead in bed, this is where you need to lay down the law. This is because she’s most open to suggestions–sex in quasi-public spaces, against the wall, in the kitchen, road head, etc. You’re setting the tone for the rest of the relationship. It is before the official bf/gf talk, but after she has had sex multiple times to the point where the sex isn’t, “a fluke.”. She has given her power away fully without landing the guy officially yet, so she’s hoping to do a lot of stuff to make it happen and land the deal.

5) Depending on the health of the relationship, the sexual rigor in #4 goes on for quite some time, although at a slighty more sane pace because people still have school/work/life to deal with. At this point, you’re officially BF/GF. So, the sex might be good, but only maybe one sessoin 4-6 days per week instead of crazy marathon sessions. MANY IW and wussy guys try to tie down phase #5 before phase #4, and that is their critical mistake. Phase #4 is when the females gives up power, while phase #5 is when the male gives up power. If you want any power at all in the relationship guys, Phase #4 must come first. You are rewarding her sex with a relationship, she is not rewarding your relatinoship with her sex. There IS a difference.

DO NOT be the first to bring up a BF/GF relationship, even after you’ve had sex for the first time. I know the instinct might be strong to, “tie her down for future sex,” but this is mistake. It only broadcasts to her that you don’t think you WILL get sex next week from a different girl and therefore must tie her down into a relatinoship to guarantee future sex

If she tries to bring up a serious BF/GF relationship BEFORE serious sexual relations happen, delay and tell her you’re still undecided about her. Keep in mind, however, that “serious sexual relations,” is a different definition depending on how old/experienced the person is. If you’re her first or second potential boyfriends, etc. demanding sex is probably unrealistic. Just judge by the body language. Is she hanging all over you? Happy to kiss/make out w/ you? Etc. However, by the time you hit college/the real world, you should definitely be getting sex before you agree to any relationship SHE suggests.

Once the BF/GF relationship has been established (hopefully by HER suggesting it and winning YOU over, not the other way around), it will be smooth sailing for a little bit—aka the, “honeymoon,” period.

6) Then the relationship settles down into a very normal predictable routine. At this point, the SHIT TESTS begin again. Do not blame a girl for giving you shit-tests after you’ve sealed-the-deal. You passed the initial shit-tests to the point where she decided to buy into you. But now she wants periodocially do a status check on you. Checking the tires, checking the oil, that 10,000 mile check-up, etc. It is in her nature to give you these tests. Fundamentally, she WANTS you to be strong, stand up for yourself, and call BS and not stand for it when you see it. So, she does little, “tests,” to make sure all systems are, “go.” She secretely WANTS you to stand up for yourself and keep in control. After all, if you can’t stand up to HER, then that means SHE is the strong one in the relationship. And when outside forces come to threaten the two of you, SHE”LL be the one standing up for the two of you and protecting YOU instead of the other way around. If you keep yourselves together (she stays pleasant & physically attractive and cool; you keep passing the shit-tests, stay chill and keep yourself together physically/financially) and you really like each other’s personalities, this is when you stay together. If not, then this is when you break up.


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