Over the past few days I’ve felt a sense of unease. My subconscious is aware of it too – I’ve been having weird dreams that left me waking up in a bad mood. As I tried to identify the issue I thought about many things, and after 2-3 days I’ve come to some answers.
Walk away from your crutches, even if its your best friend
First, I am lucky enough to have a great best friend in San Diego. However, it is important to know when you must walk your own path. Often times, we lean on the shoulders of others, and in the process, forget to learn that which we should learn to do ourselves. For example, I am constantly hanging out with him, and we play video games. This is great fun, but lately after our LA trip I’ve felt a sense of waste after playing games. So I uninstalled my Heroes of the Storm bnet account and now I have a lot more free time on my hands. So the lesson is, learn when you need to develop your own strength, and have the courage to walk away from your best friend. He/she will understand, that you need time to yourself to develop inner strength.
I’ve also learned that my daytime pick up skills are better, and that I tend to do better on my own. Sometimes, you need to go out there and see the world for yourself, instead of resenting others for “holding you back”, when in fact, you’re the one that’s doing it!
Seeing the silver lining in everything
As a kid, I used to think that if I’m learning the piano in the afternoon, all the other kids are out there playing in the golden sunset! No! I felt a sense of loss! Yet, nowadays, I am grateful on some nights when I can just be in the office and work to my heart’s content. No family, no friends bugging me, nothing. Just me and my work. Sometimes I may feel like this is lonely and perhaps it is, but that’s the way it is for now, and I’ve learned to view it as a blessing, I get to hangout with my friends when I want to, and have my own time without being stressed by work or personal obligations.
Being cool without “trying”
I’ve leverage the ability to be present thanks to Ekhart Tolle and I’ve noticed that when I am relaxed and unstressed, I have an open vibe. People talk to me. “What’s that you’re buying?” “Hey this elevator is slow huh?” I think that on weekdays, because so many people are stressed, an unstressed, open energy translates well in contrast to all the pent up energy that we see everyday. I’m lucky enough to have financial freedom at this point in my life, and I will continue to channel a chill, open vibe, even if I am working hard at work.
Presence, and internal love
Being “chill” also means non-judgement. When we judge others, in some ways we are also dealing with our own demons. Live and let live. This is perhaps one of the universal truths of all religions (which has been killed off by religious dogma). Your own presence of light is enough – that alone can sustain you and add love to the world. Sometimes our ego gets in the way, and blinds us from the spark and magnificent of what’s already there to begin with.
Strive for the best, judgement free of others
I used to judge others or “hate on them” when they’re useless to my goals. I realized now this is the wrong way to look at the world. Everyone is on their own journey. In many ways, my negativity towards them was really at myself – at my inability to make things work. I should have sought out help earlier, or acknowledged that I needed to meet new people, instead of resenting my friends. You can’t always change someone, however you can always love them.
It’s ok to be an asshole, sometimes our mistakes teach us how to arrive at the right solution
In order for me to “find peace”. or reach a point of acceptance, I had to go through pain. The pain helps you get to a point (hopefully) of throwing away the baggage of the ego.
Intimate relationships, savor all the life has to offer. Drink from the fountain
While I used to go for the hottest girls, I now want the deepest relationships in all areas of my life. Am I still drawn to beautiful women? Absolutely. But my fascination now is more than just a physical one. I find myself losing attraction for superficial beauty, and more in tune with inner beauty.
I am still drawn sexually to superficial beauty, but in terms of my relationships and an-ongoing type of situation, I see myself valuing a beautiful girl who has great inner qualities as well.
Banquet of Kings from Fate / Zero
In the anime Fate / Zero night, heroes of the past are summoned to fight for the Holy Grail. In this series, Saber (female King Arthur), Alexander the Great, and Gilgamesh enjoy a brief truce at a drinking session. Their views on life are fascinating and this is one of my favorite scenes from the whole Fate / series.