Welcome to PUA Lingo New Artist Guide!
Note: This guide is under constant improvement. Last Updated: 11/3/2014
Disclosure: Please note that some of the links below are affiliate links. If you decide to make a purchase then I’ll make a commission at no additional cost to you. All the commissions I earn goes towards the costs of running the blog, and to make ongoing improvements and I only included products in this guide that I have personally read or viewed. Thanks!
Re: “Why Should I Read This Guide Man?”
The purpose of the the New Artist Guide is to assist you accelerate your learning on becoming the man/artist you wish to be. I use the term “artist” because each person has their own core persona. My goal is to help you find and nurture this power, and develop it with love without losing yourself in the quest for glory. More specifically, this is a short guide that will help you get girls fast, by becoming the man you were supposed to be.
**WARNING: This Guide can be viewed as EXTREMELY biased. I have done my best to cut through the BS and give you the road-map of what I would I have done to learn game if I had to do it all over again, in the most fun and most efficient way possible.
***On Love: There are many ways to learn game, and I have seen others and experienced myself the cold, calculating way to learn game. While you may get good, you will lose yourself and your heart in the process. This guide is written to guide you through the cold and manipulative world of dating and still come out with love and full expression of who you are.
There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. – CS Lewis
Part 1: The PUA Dictionary
PUA Lingo started out as a guide for tough-to-understand pick up artist terminology. We wanted to document the true meaning of the terms that masters have used to seduce women. Over time, we’ve come to include new concepts from all schools of seduction, and now the full dictionary encompasses over 1000+ concepts that when combined, give you a FULL and DIVERSE view of the game.
Part 2: Best Posts on Game
Best Posts to Read If You’re New
Best Guest Instructor Posts
–7 Most Common Mistakes Intermediate PUAs STILL make! (I’m the guest instructor this time ha!)
Fun To Read Posts
Part 3: Who Are You?
Most likely, you are one of these types of guys who visit the site: You are single, and seriously want to improve your dating life with women (70%) You are a woman who finds pick up theory interesting and want to employ it to meet desirable men (5%) You are a man or woman who want to use pick up theory to meet those of the same sex (5%) You are in a relationship, and are looking for advice to become a better man and improve your existing relationship (10%) Sometimes, the person that appears on the outside is not who they are at the core. I have been the most serious players fall in love, and men who were in serious relationships decide that it was not their true nature. Understanding your true nature (reading the book, as opposed to seeing the cover) is the only way to pursue a life of purpose and happiness. In any of these scenarios, you will be able to learn from this guide. The purpose of the guide is to improve the artist’s image, his ability to express who he truly is, and his relationship and interactions with women and the world at large. Whether you want to be a “player” or not, the question is irrelevant. Men who adventure and men who settle down both exhibit feelings of love. The question simply becomes whether one wants to settle down, and if two different people can share a life together and be on the same path. Before we talk about “love”, though, I need to be a little raw and talk about Attraction. What generates attraction and the evolution of desire in women? Anything that increases her survival and replication value.
Part 4: Paradigm Shifts
Now, Before We Start Diving Into the Material: S&R Value and Paradigm Shifts
Paradigm Shift #1: Its not about money and looks
Men are. We call this attraction circuitry projection. We think that because we respond to visual cues, women do too. They do not. Society does. Women respond the physical cues that signal certain survival and replication factors. But, mostly, women respond to subtle subcommunication patterns of a high status male behavior.
Paradigm Shift #2: Raw sub-communication behaviors of value is different than paper resumes on dating sites
Society tells us to: buy expensive shit. Nice car, lots of money. Model pretty boy. No, a woman responds to raw masculine energy and attraction based on S&R value.
Paradigm Shift #3: At the core, stripped down of everything, our emotions are hardwired to respond to SURVIVAL and REPRODUCTION
This is the same across all seduction products that pioneered the industry. Mystery knew, RSD knew it. Evolutionary biologists know it.
Our brains are hard-wired this way. In a way, we all backward rationalize our sexual choices back to logic, but the truth is that attraction is not logical. What people “would like to be”, and the “biological drive” of our behavior patterns.
Paradigm Shift #4: Its not a trick. This stuff takes work
You will need to practice your will-power, push yourself everyday. Everyone that started out in this, came from some sort of heartbreak, depression, or motivating factor.
Paradigm Shift #5: Focus on changing her mood, not her mind. Never convince her logically
Have fun, challenger her, and command her. These elements are the raw ingredients of female to male attraction.
Paradigm Shift #6: Women love sex
Women, especially hot ones turn down sex a lot more than more guys in their lifetime. Don’t judge her, if you were a woman you would have the same behavior patterns out of necessity. Just because a girl likes sex, it doesn’t mean she’s a slut.
Part 5 Discovering Who You Are
Pick a super power. Any power. There must be one thing that you are better at than most people. Let that be your amplifier. Pick an alias around it. Maybe you are better at computers than most people with a focus on building UI and interfaces. Your name could be Digital Architect.
Maybe you have always have a talent for being funny, but you’re not a typical “jock” and you’re still on the high school basketball team. You have a naturally friendly, fun demeanor. Just because a guy is physically huge, it doesn’t mean his natural state is “alpha”, and that is ok. To be at peace with who you are is a key component of great game.
You have made a decision now to define yourself. This definition will evolve, change, possibly to destroyed and replaced with another one. The point is, you made the first step in the right direction.
The decision to define who you are goes against traditional pick up theory, which says, “go out there! and do sets and approaches! Over time your true character will come out”. I think this is a dangerous road and not a great way to use time. Because you’re hoping that you natural character randomly comes out, and you are risking losing yourself by mimicking and copying someone else’s character. If you are really young, adopt the personality traits you want now. Benjamin Franklin used to pick a personality trait (out of the 100+ he had on his calendar), and each day, he would “embody” that characteristic. So now, if you were to write down your natural good qualities, or the qualities you would like to embody, what would they be? For example, a weekly character trait embodiment exercise could be:
#1: Loyalty – to show loyalty to the things I believe in, myself, and other people
#2: Dominance – I want to show leadership skills and to take the lead on certain situations today
#3: Agreeableness – I want to seem more agreeable today even if I disagree with the person’s point of view
#4: Open Mindedness – I will assume that I do not know anything today and be open to other interpretation of everyday scenarios
#5. Empathy – I will try to put myself in other people’s shows and imagine how they feel, instead of focused so much on myself today
Before going further, do this exercise now. Seriously. Write down 5 traits you want to embody for the next week. Here are some positive personality traits to choose from.
Understanding Different Evolution Phases of Pick Up Skill
There are many ways to evolve in the community and traditionally, there’s a certain mentality to this. Newbie goes out, does a ton of approaches, calibrates, learns from masters, etc. But there’s a shorter version of this and it doesn’t involve so many approaches or hard work. My goal is more of a 4-hour-work-week model. If you know the key components of psychological change as it pertains to women, you can change someone pretty quickly (within a span of 1-2 weeks).
Your Avatar / Image
People can be judgmental. Until you get to know them. Every successful person has an “image” that works to his or her advantage. Larry Page, Steve Jobs, George Lucas, Brad Pitt, Princess Kate. It is important for you now to start thinking about your image, and what you represent.
A lot of PUAs “Over-do” their style and look too try-hard. Or, they emulate someone else and forget who they really are, and the final look becomes incongruent:
The key here is to become aware on and control your public image or persona to your advantage. There are many steps to understanding men’s style, and here are 3 articles that will help you out. Ultimately, proper style depends on each individual and a proper image consultation is needed.
- This article talks about Sexual Avatars and how to leverage them
- This article talks about the principles of Style Attraction Switches
- These tips will help you put together some outfits
Your style should look natural and your should feel comfortable in your own skin. For a quick reference guide, check out Seduce With Style.
Part 6: “Skill Set”
Generally speaking, what level you are in terms of a skill doesn’t determine your personal worth or relationships. You can be the best at a sport or at singing but still be a famous asshole. (And, these days, you don’t need to have a skill to become famous) Most of the time, people who excel in their field have realized certain life principles and are smart and more open to new ideas, although this is not always the case. Remember that just because you are at a certain skill level in regards to picking up women, it doesn’t mean you are any less or any more of the person you were born to be.
Phase I – Skill
You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change. You can’t help someone if you feel sorry for them. So take personal judgement out of the equation, and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You’ll be alright. Phase 1 mostly deals with awareness. There’s a new model now.
The Model is: Attraction, Comfort, Seduction!
The real model is: awareness of yourself, and your ability to get women is immediately related to your ability to be at peace with yourself and see the true connection between all human beings.
Phase II– Skill
Your mentality is starting to change and seeds are being planted. You now need some tools to help you with the details, but never focus on the details over the principles of the skill you are studying. I will cover this in section 2 to help you out.
Phase III– Skill
You are now pretty good, your ego may be a little bigger, but this is the danger. Stay humble, and understand that the man who knows the most realizes how little he knows. This is usually good enough, and you can usually get the girl you want to get while understanding all of the small intricacies of game. I admit that I am at a late Phase 3 with some Phase 4 experience.
If you want to get to Phase 4, I suggest you take a moment, maybe a week or a few, and figure out your true calling. If your true calling is not to be a dating coach, then Phase III is enough. You will waste valuable time chasing after your own ghosts, if your true purpose in life lies elsewhere.
Phase IV– Skill
You want to become good at teaching others too, and you want to know the real little details and gain completely mastery. In order to get to this level you don’t have to lay 100+ girls, but rather you really have to understand women. Remember that there is a price to pay for mastery. You will lose a part of your “innocence”, and you may give up your time for other pleasures in life. Your opportunity cost for mastery is high, but it is usually worth it. In the world of dating women, you will make mistakes and those mistakes will hurt people emotionally and spiritually, so use your powers carefully, otherwise you will end up in a dark, lonely road, despite your “pick up skills”.
Part 2: Setting up a Game Plan / Knowledge Absorption
You will need some material to get started, unless you have someone who is already at Phase 3, and taking you under their wing. Even so, these materials will accelerate your learning.
Part 7: Core Confidence
Some people have an inner confidence that is everlasting. Statistically, this person is usually the first-born, and comes from a stable and healthy family growing up. Experience dog breeders have found that puppies that have their mother’s love for the first 8 weeks tend to have more stable, positive temperaments. Dogs also have a tendency to take on the mother’s personalty based on her emotional state during pregnancy. Human’s are no exception. The mother’s hormones, emotions, her smoking, her diet all affects the fetus while it is still growing. A child’s development can be installed with trust, honestly, a core level of intimacy that he will never be alone.
Similarly, a lot of people may not have the perfect childhood, but have overcome difficulties to develop a personality that has a core sense of confidence. Whether through religion, a sport, or an art-form, the person has core confidence that he’s good enough. Often times, this is the simple but important difference between someone who is “at peace” vs. someone who is always unstable or feels deep down that he or she is unloved.
Building Confidence Over Time
The growth of the seduction community came about because of the money AND because of the philosophy that anyone can get good. And it is true, anyone can. If a guy lacks core confidence, he can still develop confidence over time. I believe in 95% of the cases with students, that confidence can be developed when the right behavior and skill-set is taught, reinforced and personified in the student. We have seen this happen most often through bootcamps, or long term training and long term relationships with friends.
With skill, confidence can develop over time. Ultimately, the journey of the game is about developing these “OUTER” skill sets that bring out the inner energy and core of the person within. Every developed artist, therefore, is an image of their core self. Sometimes this image is more exaggerated due to publicity, however most of the time, it is an extension of who they are.
Part 8: Learning about the Journey of Game
You want to know what life looks like for those deep in the game, and understand the ups and downs. These particular “biographies” detail, in their own words, Neil, Jeffy’s and Richard’s journeys. They are all great reads. While their focus isn’t pick up tips, many techniques are included in these books. The overall focus though is the story and evolution of its respective characters. Jeffy’s book is a little more perverse and dirty. Strauss is the story of an underdog, and Richard’s is a story of an entrepreneur trapped in a shy geeky kid.
- Get Laid or Die Trying: The Field Reports (Jeffy)
- The Game (Neil Strauss)
- Natural Art of Seduction (Gambler)
The only thing you need: Energy Projection of Your True Aura
Your “aura” and vibration is the only thing you need. I know. That sounds crazy, right? Does such a thing exist? Yes, and it has for centuries. Over time periods of human history have studied more about our “aura” and energy than this particular time period.
Orlando Owen does a good job explaining “vibrations”, which was left out of the secret on every page of Napolean Hill’s Think And Grow Rich:
Part 9: Products That Worked For Me
- Blueprint Decoded – this is a masterpiece by Owen Cook. It covers everything from specific tactics to how to think about life, and how girls are a part of it, but not all of it. This is one of the most important products in the seduction community. It was never hyped in its marketing
- The Vibe – this is an underground product by Bill Preston where he tries to capture, via multiple interviews with many dating coaches, how to create a “vibe” and redirect it towards the goal of meeting women. It is the closest thing to “pure energy” after the Blueprint Decoded, which was a much more famous product. You may be able to find the Blueprint Decoded on torrents, but not this one.
- 2 Girls Teach Sex – I didn’t think much of this product at first, just that a lot of affiliates were making money from it. After I reviewed the 20+ DVDs Shawna sent me I realized that there’s a lot of subtle stuff here that most guys dont understand. The mass market sees pornstars, but if you actually listen to the seminars, the underlying “vibe” and mindset of sex is actually strongly correlated to how you open, and how to meet women. Basically the same energy you get a woman into bed is the same energy of seduction. Calmness. Security. Proper Technique. Understanding the pivot and trigger points. When to be spontaneous. If you can obtain the vibe of a guy who knows sex and gets sex regularly, you actually have better interactions with women overall. Against popular belief, sex is not all “lust” and “hardcore push up bras” like the commercial market tells us. Real sex happens under calm, easy-flowing energy. Harnessing this energy creates a natural draw with women and other beings alike.
- Stealth Attraction – I thought this product was spot on about being cool and collected, and engaging girls without actually “hitting” on them, or triggering a “I was hit on” response. It is different than the Mystery Method and takes it to a new level. When it came out the industry was being saturated, but this is still one of the best products I’ve seen. You can see the PUA Lingo review of the whole series here.
- Seduce With Style – I might be biased here, but I think style is SO important. Your image affects your feeling about yourself and your energy. Sometimes, just by dressing well and the energy of others focusing or bouncing off of you, the artist can develop a whole new vibe. This aspect also extends beyond pick up into your personal esteem and development. Controlling your image is also exercising your responsibility as a person of purpose.
- The Art and Science of Personal Magnetism: The Secret of Mental Fascination – this is one of the rare books by William Walker Atkinson (1932), that includes some really cool tips on controlling, redirecting, and pushing your energy onto those around you. It is an amazing read.
You will need a few tactics in order to succeed fully, into Phase 2 and 3. The most important thing here isn’t any one of the particular bullet points, but rather the idea that what you measure, you can track. And what you can track, you can improve.
- Before anything, read DJ Fuji’s post about The Truth About Routines
- Routines Manual 2 gives a good selection of options, although you can find a ton of free ones online at PUA Lingo, Bristol Lair, and Fast Seduction’s archives.
- Braddock’s Guide to Phone and Text Game. Concept of fuses and it is a pretty solid review of phone game. Guys forget that bad phone game is usually a result of bad game. 90% of the time. However, this does help you out if you’re teetering on the edge keeping girls on the phone.
There are some basic rules for using material
1. Understand why the material exists and always remember the principle behind the technique. In order to totally get the principle, you NEED to go out and try it in field. You need someone to be your “social experiment”. This is part of the learning process.
2. Organized, practice, feedback, calibration. This is the cycle. If you just keep using routines and not calibrating, you will become a social robot.
3. Develop things to say that are specific to you. If you watch Simple Pickup’s channel, you will notice how Kong always talks about him being Asian, Jesse always talks about lame masturbating jokes, and Jason always jokes about his abs. Comedians, actors do this, and over time an artist should too. You are a unique person with unique traits.
4. Examples of me. I have developed certain lines and energy projects for different scenarios. Here are a few given my personal background:
a) Hi. I’m supposed to hug 3 blondes today! (For stopping blondes)
b) Of course I went to college. I’m Asian. My parents would have whipped me if I didn’t (in response to what I do)
c) You look interesting and I wanted to meet you (neutral, friendly tone). This is my default opener
d) Hey guys. Quick question. On a scale 1-10…. what are your phone numbers? (default funny opener)
e) Everyone that is single, raise your hand! (in group scenarios)
f) *Say nothing* Energy projection, tilt your head. Say hello, “I don’t know you yet and I want to”
All of this is done with my natural state, which is a calm, leadership-like energy. I’m not fighting for leadership, I’m not trying to be dominant. I just am. And I’m a bit of a dork at times. “Tee Hee Hee” – literally I will say this while in set. The most important thing is authenticity. Guys seem baffled that “authenticity of your natural energy” can get you girls. Yes. It can. The whole community has gone on this wrong path, and the only person that really figured this out is Zan Perrion.
Part 10: Common Objections to Learning Game
“Game just doesn’t work”
“Here’s the thing about proving skeptics wrong: They don’t care. They won’t learn. They will stay skeptics. The ones who said the airplane would never fly ignored the success of the Wright Bros. and went on to become skeptical of something else. And when they got onto an airplane, they didn’t apologize to the engineers on their way in.
Instead of working so hard to prove the skeptics wrong, it makes a lot more sense to delight the true believers. They deserve it, after all, and they’re the ones that are going to spread the word for you.”
“But looks do matter and I am not good looking”
I encourage you to take a look at Victoria’s Secret model Cameron Russell’s talk. What conclusions did you derive from this particular video?
Take a look Tyler talking about what we mean when we say, “your looks wont’ stop you from getting the girl you want”
Do you think the same physical standards apply to men? If so, why or why not?
“I have a small penis and it will never work”
The “size ” issue only pertains to the image and stereotype of the “big thing”. It is all mental. Unless you are exceptionally and abnormally small 1-2 inches, most guys have a size that is just perfect. Also, porn has created the myth of the biggest penis being the best, the truth is different sizes work for different women.
Case in point:
Part 11: Attraction to Sex Models
These are ways to think about the process of seduction. Everyone person is different, however seeing these concepts gives you things to compare and contrast. Again, above all this, is energy projection and the “essence” of the artist.
Knowing what I know how, I would actually suggest that my students stay away from this. However, the concept of the M3 model and Mystery’s original model is interesting. Alex is the author of RSD’s Natural Instinct Method, which is Alex’s way of breaking down naturals and repeating their behavior. In his hotseat, he always states, “YOU ARE ENOUGH”. This is the theme of his method.
The process of souls interacting in this plane is how the world works and how you should view it. Again, an overly mechanical view of “the opener” creates this artificial vacuum that needs to be filled. If the energy is present, the words will fill themselves out.
Going all natural is another way to go about this whole thing, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.
- You can take Improv classes
- In Ars Amorata, Zan talks about the walk through life and being the man you want to be. A lot of “PUAs” knock on this for a lack of material, because they are not in full understanding of the concept of game – which is genuine social interaction.
- You can also take a look at the TV Show Keys To The VIP, to see how naturals do it.
Remember to match every hour in field with 1-2 hours of reading. Do not do too much reading without field work.
Part 12: On Crying
“Real Men Don’t Cry, We Just Have Something In Our Eye” seems to be an American media mantra. This simply isn’t true. It is harder to be soft than it is to be hard. Being heard requires you to wear an outer shell. The truly strong has to courage to face his emotions, and to accept change and life.
If you’re on this journey and you haven’t cried yet, then you haven’t really learned anything. You haven’t really changed at the core. I remember crying when I realized that college was over. I also cried over my girlfriends, and the love that we shared and her ability to make me accept me for who I am. All my character traits, all my flaws, and all of my humanity.
While you don’t want to cry every time you open a girl and get no where, it is ok to cry and accept that you are changing, and the deeper you go in this game, hopefully the more barriers you will remove to explore your humanity, as opposed to the other way around (which is to say, the more emotional barriers you put up to protect yourself). Referring back to C.S. Lewis’s original quote on top, you don’t want to shield your heart away from life. Guys get into the life to EXPERIENCE life and fully live.
If you watched the first season of The Pick Up Artist (because you’re a “PUAH” and you’re cool like that) you noticed Joe D., Brady, Kosmo and Joe W. cried during filming of the 5th episode where they realized that this game “is a lot more than just picking up girls. It is about building a life”.
Part 13: Forums & Bootcamps
- Forum advice can be considered, but generally do not trust any of it unless you know the guy’s real world record, or you can sort of see his thinking pattern from in an-depth review of his old posts. Generally do not take any forum post seriously unless you know the person in real life.
- Bootcamps are a great way to learn quickly. I have never taken one personally, and believe that the key to becoming good with women is consistency of effort rather than an instant spike over a weekend.
On Your True Friends
- Dangers of “PUA” – most guys who are “PUAs” are a little geeky or too into this. I am one of these guys. Remember to meet your friends as people, not “PUAs”. The PUA persona is only a part of who that other person is.
- Natural Friends is important – friends that you can call when you’re in real trouble. Understand the concept of True Friendship.
- If you’re in the game for a while, there’s no avoiding an over-dependence on social value – you have to in order to survive or improve. However, have good friends on the side and do normal things. You will get lose in the game if all your social connections are in the PUA world. I was part of this world.
- People are reflections of yourself – remember that. They are mirrors to who you are as a person, and always be open to self-introspection
Part 13: Forums, Friends and Mastering Your Emotions
Going through these seduction techniques, you have found things that work well with you. Part 3 is really based on the individual. Either you do long term coaching with a friend or coach who knows his shit, or you self-calibrate and auto-correct as you gain more and more experience. I can only give you the most frequent pitfalls at this point to get to where you want to be as an artist
Never Take It Personally
A lot of social interactions and the way our brains work can breakdown our mental walls and we start taking interactions personally. Remember that you are in a process of change. The truth is when you’re new you are a little scared and it can be a bit personal. Remember that this is a process. Every person who has achieved a certain level of success – good teachers, athletes, movie stars, politicians, corporate executives, have had public scrutiny. Understand that their “rejection” is not of who you are at the core. In every human being, we have this essence at the core that is not good or evil, it just IS. Remember this on your journey.
Be Open To Change
A lot of guys give up or they ran into road blocks and they never see their own blind spots. I know a guy who just can’t rationalize his own self-absorbed view, and he can never snap out of it. Every now and then, the clouds part a bit when a person he respects mentions his self-centeredness. However, it quickly disappears.
Always be open to change, even when you think you’re already “good”.
A female friend once suggested meeting nicer, non-club girls by doing wine tasting or more daytime activities. My own “ideas” about how this worked stopped me from doing so. But years later I realized she was absolutely right. Girls who go out partying all the time probably isn’t doing something important with their lives. Recognize the denial to change in your mind – because it thinks it is protecting you.
Clarity of Your Intent
Have a goal – if you want to be able to get the girls who you believe is a “10”, nurture that goal. A lot of guys reach their goals and get lost in the game. “Oh, I guess now I need to sleep with more girls”. Having more doesn’t mean more happiness. Your intent should be to have freedom with the women that you want, and by all means, pursue all that with everything you have got. But have the wisdom to know when you have enough and it is time to move on. Life is change and change – 2Pac.
A lot of guys identify “intent” with “arousal”. Intent can be love too – to fall in love, to understand another person and have them connected to you. This is a sign of strength of a man who embraces positive characteristics and there’s a lot of admiration in that from others and from yourself.
Taking a Break / Proper Life Priorities
Do you remember the last time you were really happy? I bet it probably wasn’t a BIG event. Graduation. Winning a competition. Getting married. It is always the little things, isn’t it? The touch of your mother. The hug of a friend when something tough happens. A grandma’s smile towards you of unconditional love. The way your girlfriend sleeps in your pillow. Life is about the appreciation of these little things.
Too many PUAs lose sight of this, and because of their past, they think “sarge sarge sarge” is the solution to all of life’s problems. Sometimes, it makes sense to take a break. Understand that your priorities should focus on your family and the amount of “love cycles” that are in your life. Activities and processes that inspire the giving and receiving of human love.
Part 14: Naturalization and Evolution
Unnatural Naturalness, or Natural Unnaturalness – Bruce Lee. You can get there either way. But remember that a balance needs to be stuck for naturalness. You’re still who you are when you started. That is a good thing. Don’t forget that leaving the game is a good thing. A lot of guys get addicted and it becomes a negative process. Bruce Lee comments on his stages of learning in Gung Fu, which also applies to any life skill you are trying to master:
- First Stage – The first is the primitive stage. It is a stage of original ignorance in which a person knows nothing about the art of combat. In a fight, he simply blocks and strikes instinctively without a concern for what is right and wrong. Of course, he may not be so-called scientific, but, nevertheless, being himself, his attacks or defenses are fluid.
- The second stage — the stage of sophistication, or mechanical stage — begins when a person starts his training. He is taught the different ways of blocking, striking, kicking, standing, breathing, and thinking — unquestionably, he has gained the scientific knowledge of combat, but unfortunately his original self and sense of freedom are lost, and his action no longer flows by itself. His mind tends to freeze at different movements for calculations and analysis, and even worse, he might be called “intellectually bound” and maintain himself outside of the actual reality.
- The third stage — the stage of artlessness, or spontaneous stage — occurs when, after years of serious and hard practice, the student realizes that after all, gung fu is nothing special. And instead of trying to impose on his mind, he adjusts himself to his opponent like water pressing on an earthen wall. It flows through the slightest crack. There is nothing to try to do but try to be purposeless and formless, like water. All of his classical techniques and standard styles are minimized, if not wiped out, and nothingness prevails. He is no longer confined.
Don’t Lose Your Character in the Process – A lot of guys become douches, the very ones they were trying to compete against by learning game. Their ego becomes inflated and needs to feed on lays after lays, instead of developing true character and realizing that true freedom is the full acknowledgement of the costs associated with each decision, and then choosing and living your life decisions.
You can still learn game in a relationship – by loving the girl, and learning new life skills, you can still continue your path in a relationship. I don’t mean lying and dating other girls, but rather, understand that the game of learning “human social dynamics” applies to things other than getting laid, and is an ongoing life skill no matter what your life situation is. The first part is the core of having the ability to meet the girls you want to meet, so you make the right choices.
Here’s is Tony Robbins reframing how to get the GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS. Ask yourself the question: “What kind of man do I have to become, to get the girl of my dreams?”:
How to apply game to work situations – you can still have genuine appreciation for your work, and apply the intent and freedom of pickup in your work and career. Freedom in all areas of your life.
How to continue developing social skills and help others- remember to give back – help the guys who are struggling. This is you paying back the people that helped you when you were starting out.
Be A Role model – remember that there are always haters, AND people who look up to you. You’re the role model! Take pride in showing people the best of themselves. Become a gentleman. The image of the “seducer” is a bad one, but instead, I believe it should be the image of a true man. A true man, who is naturally attractive.
-Vince Lin, Nov 2014
Part 15: Q&A | Back to top
Q: Which school should I learn from? Isn’t Mystery Method the best?
Mystery was the first pioneer in the game to come up with a systematic, structured approach to getting girls. His M3 method remains one of the true breakthroughs of the community. Much like the introduction of fire or the wheel in human civilization, his model allows others to start seeing the game as a process that breaks down the seduction narrative from the woman’s perspective. Mystery spent 10 years alone in-field doing this.
Since Mystery’s publication of the Venusian Arts Handbook, he has gone on to form various business partnerships. Some may argue that his business acumen and discipline are limited compared to his pick up skills, though his company, http://venusianarts.com/ is still running programs as of 2013.
You should learn from all the sources and determine which one suits you best. I would suggest that you pick one school of thought, and master it. Much like a dancer trying to dance salsa, tango, ballet, each one has its own uniqueness and subtleties. By bouncing from one art to another without proper context, you just confuse yourself more with paradoxes of the game. Pick one school, and study it. Give it a good try, then move on, if you find that game style does not suit your natural core personality. Most guys fail in the game because they give up, or they lack the discipline to measure their results (video, in field audio recording, recording their successes, and more importantly, their failures). What gets measured, gets managed (Peter Drucker)
Q: Which Books or programs should I read first?
I would recommend The Venusian Arts Handbook and RSDNation’s videos. They are free at rsdnation.com and on YouTube. For me, the Venusian Arts Handbook laid out game in a clear, concise way.
Q: Why should I learn game?
This is up to you. The goal of game is to give guys freedom of choice with women, and have the girl of your choice, instead of settling for what you can get. One question to ask yourself is, “do I have the sex and relationship life that I want?” This should be the gauge to determine if you should learn game, and if you do, when you should leave it once your goals have been accomplished.
Q: Do I have to change up my style?
Your appearance says a lot about you. Coach John Wooden (UCLA basketball coach legend) would have his players first learn how to put on their socks and tie their shoes before a game. The discipline and attention to detail instilled from this small gesture ensures that player’s shoes don’t get loose during the game. This one little aspect would give player’s blisters and pain in their foot, and this little detail can sum up to a win or loss in a national championship game. Coach Wooden’s players developed a habit of checking everything and being wholly involved in the process. A great way to get an overview of great style is to read the Seduce With Style ebook.
Q: Is Tyler Durden a dick?
According to The Game, Owen Cook was not the coolest guy. He has since built a company that outlasted all the people in Project Hollywood, and today RSD runs one of the most innovative and successful in-field training programs in the world. You can see his videos online for free and attend one of RSD’s free seminars to see for yourself.
Q: Which PUA is the best?
Many would say Mystery is a pioneer, because he broke the wall by offering a systematic approach to game that encapsulated a lot of different personalities and differences, all of which were captured in his M-3 model.
Today, a newer generation of PUAs are on the forefront of the seduction community. Each person that is learning has his (or her) favorite coach. The choice is yours. Keep in mind that a good coach may be different than a good PUA. Some naturals who are not PUAs may have better game than guys who study this stuff, they just don’t know how to teach it to someone else.
Q: What happens when I get a girlfirend?
You can now decide what is more important to you: obtaining the skill to always get the girl of your choice, or being with the girl you like/love. This choice is yours. The game is always here when you need it, thanks for the disseminating power of the Internet.
Q: I am afraid of what game will do to me and my morals
I understand your concerns. For the large majority of my journey of 6+ years, game has given me so much value and introspection to human nature. I would say close to 95%. The remaining 5% comes from getting lost in the game, or straying from your own goals. As long as you are learning game and expressing it from a place of your true desires, you can’t go wrong. For most guys that learn game, their true desire is just to be able to find a girl they really like, who like them back.
Q: How do I deal with haters (guys who are jealous, girls who reject me)?
If you wish to accomplish anything of value in this life, there will be people whose ambitions will clash with yours. In the past, you fight to the death, and in death, so goes the ambition of the enemy or offending party. In today’s world, that is illegal, so the person that ends up being the most politically and socially savvy usually wins the game, unless he or she breaks social rules and ends up shooting you with a gun, which is entirely possible but very unlikely.
You will always have haters. Enjoy them. Learn from them, let them motivate you. As for female rejections, Owen’s use of deleting it from your hard drive is a good technique. For rejections, “I don’t even register on my computer hard drive – it is not saved and I pay no attention to it”. I remember seeing him to 5 approaches and 5 sets in a row in Hotseat and finally hooking a Spanish girl and taking her home. That was all the proof I need to understand that cold approach is a numbers and calibration game.
Become stronger. The more strength you have in your character and in yourself, the less the haters will matter. Don’t get sucked into the stream of clutter and Facebook platitudes.
Don’t ever give anyone else the power to doubt yourself, son.
I will continue to update this page and refine it. Please leave your thoughts and comments below!