Originally by Style
My concern lately has been the bigger picture in a PU. That, I think, is what should be focused on once you can get rid of the training wheels of constantly scripted sarges and learning to be cool/charming/attractive.
For a while, I’ve been discussing with my colleagues the SWITCHES that must be flipped in a woman in order for her to feel attraction. We put together a really long list. From it, I boiled it down to just a few main switches. There is no order to them. They should just be consciously flipped at some point. So I’ve narrowed this down, and would love to hear thoughts and contributions:
1. You must show her that you’re safe. Trust is an important issue for most women. This must be demonstrated. So switch #1: in order to proceed, you need SAFETY and TRUST.
2. You must show her that you have either ambition, motivation, or job/financial security. In other words, you must have a life and goals. So switch #2 is demonstrating to her that you have STABILITY and AMBITION. You don’t have to be successful, you just have to show the potential to be successful (unless you’re in your 30s, at which point you should have achieved something).
3. You must show her that you’re different than the other guys, that you are not generic or boring, that she can learn something from you or grow with you, that you have a sense of adventure or creativity or spirituality. So switch #3 is showing her that you HAVE SOMETHING TO OFFER, even if you don’t give it to her in the moment. This is where DHVs are useful.
4. You must be the PRIZE of the room. She wants a guy others will envy her for, that she can brag about to her friends. This is where social proof comes in, where story-telling comes in. It’s also where alpha qualities come in, cocky/funny, and not supplicating. So switch #4 is demonstrating all of the many qualities of CONFIDENCE, LEADERSHIP, AUTHORITY, and POPULARITY
5. It’s a big world and we all feel alone in it, so if you can demonstrate that you UNDERSTAND her and where she comes from, she will feel chemistry. This can largely be done through demonstrating either cultural, mental, emotional, world view, humor, or life/background commonalities. The more obscure and rare a trait that you connect on, the more chemistry you create. So Switch #5 is demonstrating COMMONALITIES in order to trigger CHEMISTRY.
6. You need an aura of depth and mystery. You must maybe show a vulnerable or wounded side of yourself, you must not give away everything for free, you must be a puzzle she wants to figure out and maybe even have a wound she can heal. Switch #6 then is hooking her with your DEPTH and MYSTERY.
7. You must show her that you are NOT horny, but sexual. This is where social proof comes in too, also demonstrating an understanding of her world (liking her for who SHE is). So switch #7 is demonstrating your own LACK OF DESPERATION while showing her that you RECOGNIZE SOMETHING SPECIAL IN HER THAT ATTRACTS YOU TO HER. This is where QUALIFYING is useful, in other words demonstrating that you like her for who she is–even if you are a player.
So I think these are the main switches. I’m open to corrections and additions. Now, if you can FLIP these, she’s really going to be into you. It’s solid game. I’d love to see another list: of the switches to flip for a ONS — the switches that over-ride the social programming and make her crave that adventure and abandon.