Originally by David DeAngelo
Context: A great synopsis of the “sexual archetype” paradigm
Sexy Bad Boys vs. Nice Guys …This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense …
It seems great minds think alike. Last week I wrote about how I think most women will get into Long Term Relationships with guys who are “safe,” but fool around with guys who stir passion within them. And low and behold, David DeAngelo, Author of Double Your Dating, releases a newsletter the next day about roughly the same subject entitled “Nice Guys and SEXY Bad Boys.” I found the newsletter (which was NOT a mailbag, thank god) to be really good. I always like David D’s little essays on technique, so I thought I’d repost it here for everyone to check out.
Nice Guys And SEXY Bad Boys
This week I’m going to do something a little bit unusual…
First I’m going to ask you to consider something, then I’m going to give you a little bit of homework.
This week is all about ACTION!
Here’s the thing I want you to consider first:
I was reading an article on AOL entitled “What’s Wrong With Nice Guys?”. Here’s a little quote from the article:
“. . .Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones?
This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense. Since women truly are conditioned to be “good girls,” sometimes we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure burning “I must have him!” feeling. That’s why we sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys series of guided imagery tapes. “In order for the deliciousness of pure lust to be ‘okay,’ it has to be for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your animal impulses, worry-free,” she says… .”
Interesting, isn’t it?
Now, I personally disagree with the idea that women “seek out” Bad Boys because they need somewhere to project their guilty lust… and I disagree with the idea that there’s something “wrong” with the fact that women are attracted to Bad Boys…
But the point is that the “mainstream” psychology and behavior world is starting to accept the idea that women are ATTRACTED to “Bad Boys”. It will probably be another ten years before anyone with a degree puts two and two together and says “Hey, maybe women feel ATTRACTION for Bad Boys for natural, evolutionary reasons, and that’s why Bad Boys are considered “sexy”.. .”
Hell, maybe I should say it… Oh, I already did. Whatever.
Point is, there’s something to the idea that woman don’t feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for “nice” guys who chase after them and kiss up to them.
Women do, on the other hand, feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for BAD BOYS.
Of course, I don’t believe that you MUST be a jerk, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to you. There’s a much better way…
PART 2: THE HOMEWORK
OK, here’s what I want you to do…
If you own my eBook “Double Your Dating”, go to chapter 4, and read it again.
If you own my Advanced Series, I’d like you to go to Day 2, Section 1, and review again.
(If you don’t own these yet, then you need to get them immediately! You’re cheating yourself if you don’t invest in yourself in this area… really.)
Now, I want you to do something CONSCIOUSLY this week.
I want you to do the following with the next 5 women that you talk to over the next few days… (these should be women that you would be interested in dating):
1) Smile all the time.
2) Be very nice, cordial, and friendly. Use no sarcasm, and don’t tease.
3) Act as if you really “like” the woman you’re talking to… and as if you’re “interested” in her.
4) Give her lots of compliments.
5) Optional: Politely say “You probably have a boyfriend, right? Can I take you out sometime?”
Pay careful attention, and notice how the women respond to you.
Now, I want you to try something different with the NEXT 5 women you talk to…
1) Don’t smile very often.
2) Pretend that you’ve known her for 20 years, and that you’re TOO comfortable around her. Tease her for something that no one teases her about… like the way she dresses, etc.
3) Pretend that she’s interested in YOU, and has been pursuing YOU, and that you’re resisting her. Make jokes about it and say things like “I just don’t think things are going to work out between us”.
4) Give her NO compliments of any kind. If she gives you any, say “That’s a cheesy pick up line. Can’t you think of something more original?”
5) Optional: Say “Hey, do you have email? Good. Write it down here…” …and pay attention to the difference.
If you really “play it up”, you’ll notice a HUGE difference between the first five women you talk to and the next five.
During the first set of five, when you’re being a “Nice Wuss”, you’ll see the looks on the women’s faces that say “Oh, no. Another guy who “likes” me. How can I get rid of him politely? . . .”
During the SECOND set of five, you’ll see the women opening their mouths with the “half smile, half oh-no-you-didn’t-just-say-that look”. You’ll feel a TENSION in the air. You’ll notice that some of the women will actually look at you as if they can’t believe what they’re hearing.
If you’re particularly sharp and funny, you might just have one or two of them say “I like you… we have to hang out sometime” within the first few minutes of the conversation. You will NEVER hear that when you’re playing the “Nice Wuss”, by the way.
(SIDE NOTE: I went out with some friends once, and I was taking pictures of some of my friends… when I overheard this girl talking to her friend. I took what she and her friend were talking about, and I teased her about it… and within no more than 60 seconds the girl was saying “Ohmygod, I like you! We need to hang out sometime.. .”. Really.)
Do your homework! And have FUN while you’re at it.
You can try them at zero cost… nothing.
If you’re not thrilled, and you don’t meet more women, you don’t have to pay a dime.
By David DeAngelo