Provider

Quick Definition: The stereotype of a guy who is nurturing and provides women with resources.


Full Definition:

The provider is a stereotype popularized by David Deangelo. In his books, Deangelo separates guys into two broad categories: providers and lovers. Providers are guys who are stable, nurturing, and reliable, as opposed to lovers who are unpredictable, exciting, and unreliable. Providers are the kind of guys women look for in a marriage, while lovers are the exciting badboys they like to sleep with.

In one model of female psychology, women have a basic need for both a lover and provider in their lives. Deangelo notes that the theme of many female romance novels is that of a woman finding an attractive badboy (lover) and eventually convincing them to give up their wild ways and forming a stable relationship (provider).

hugh hefner chicago mansion
Hefner back in his Chicago Mansion fits both the provider profile (lots of resources) while still retaining player values. As he got older, his provider value has increased

However, women are not always able to find the ideal combination of both lover and provider in one man, which is why they may have their needs met by two (or more) men. Take for example the married woman who has a stable marriage but has an affair with a more sexually attractive seducer, or the girl who has a rocky relationship with a badboy, but has numerous orbiters to serve as emotional tampons. In both cases, the woman has both a lover and provider to fulfill her need for both excitement and stability.

In modern society, the role of the provider is emphasized in popular culture, at the expense of the lover. This is epitomized in the popular notion of a “date,” where a man is expected to wine and dine women, buy them gifts, and otherwise demonstrate their provider capabilities. While such displays may have worked in earlier times, when women were not as economically powerful, in the modern world of working women, such displays are often counterintuitive.

Some PUAs, like Ross Jeffries, believe that there is a conspiracy or at least a strong incentive for corporations and the capitalistic system to emphasize the provider stereotype, since it encourages men to go to school, get a good job, and make a lot of money as a way to attract women, when in reality, none of these are strictly necessary to attract and keep a woman.

Many AFCs are stuck in the provider mentality and need to take on more characteristics of a lover before they become more attractive to women. However, both sets of characteristics are necessary to maintain a long term relationship.


Related Terms: Lover, AFC, Beta, Attraction, Approval Seeking, Supplication, Bad Boy

Source: David Deangelo


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