Hypothesis: Online dating response rates can be improved if I write the correct things in the initial message sent.
- I wanted to test out the most effective messages to send when doing online dating.
- I scoured the pick up dating forums for suggestions from others that worked.
- I had to keep track of all the data over a 2 week period to see if the girl responded to my original message
- The responses were 90% positive, although 10% of them were negative. This is not reflected in the data. PUAs say that any response is an IOI, but some of the response led nowhere
- I hired a remote assistant to send out 100 messages, totaling 787 messages over a 6 week period.
- Use free sites only
- Cost: $35 a week x 6 weeks = $210
- I also created a fake hot babe account who was gorgeous to get a sense of what type of messages she received, this was my competition. She got over 200 messages in 2 days.
So officially, my instructions were:
1. Heidi, I want you to send 5 messages over the next week to 100 girls
2. Use your judgement as to the type of girl and adapt accordingly
3. Age range should be 18-49, no Asian girls or black girls, unless they are exceptionally beautiful
4. Let me know if you have any questions, here are my logins
My 5 Messages and instructions to my “dating strategist” assistant:
1. You’re adorable. I’m adopting you as my little sister so we can drink kool-aid and climb trees. Afterwards we can star in a commercial about how awesome adoption is and you can give a really sad face to the camera but then I come around the corner with a pitcher of kool-aid and your smile turns into a party.
Target: CUTE looking girls, younger girls
2. You’re pretty much the only woman I’ve seen on this site who doesn’t creep the living hell out of me. Do you like sushi?
Target: Career focused, more serious girls
3. Serious question: let’s say I’m taking you out for sushi: one reason or another I’m starving, I haven’t eaten anything all day and you’re in the shower. How long until we’re out the door? 30 minutes and you look hot, and I can’t keep my hands off you? 15 minutes and you look pretty cute 2 hours and I die from starvation
Target: This one works on everyone.
4. Are you one of those girls who take forever to do her hair and makeup, or do you just look that way?
Target: Girls with really done up hair
5. Hey I was thinking of robbing a bank, fleeing down to the oceanfront, driving off a cliff, and faking my own death this week (SCUBA tanks in trunk), are you in?
Target: Girls with “adventure” as personality type
OKCupid! Total sent and response rates:
POF Total sent and response rates
Combined Response Rates and Differences between sites
|Message 1||14.55%||19.23%||-4.69%||POF more response|
|Message 2||11.27%||14.94%||-3.67%||POF more response|
|Message 3||17.65%||15.57%||2.07%||OKC more response|
|Message 4||14.00%||11.76%||2.24%||OKC more response|
|Message 5||8.86%||9.38%||-0.51%||Both low response|
|Total||13.45%||13.88%||-0.44%||About the same|
The data is interesting because message 1 the “adorable sister” opener works on POF girls more. POF in general has less educated, less serious, and younger girls. Message 3 (Options opener) and 4 (Hair opener) work better on OKCupid. I’m not sure what the reason is. Maybe the girls are more educated and like the multiple choice type question. In both instances, message 5 was too out there and didn’t work, even when we targeted adventurous girls.
Which message worked the best in OKC? POF?
|Msg Rank||OKC||Msg Rank||POF|
|Message 3||17.65%||Message 1||19.23%|
|Message 1||14.55%||Message 3||15.57%|
|Message 4||14.00%||Message 2||14.94%|
|Message 2||11.27%||Message 4||11.76%|
|Message 5||8.86%||Message 5||9.38%|
Overall, Message 3 (Options for sushi opener) worked the best for OKC, and the “adorable adopted sister opener” message 1 worked best in POF.
- Total Responses: 107 (13.6%)
- Total Phone Numbers: 10 (~10%)
- Total Dates: 7 (~7%)
- Total New Friends: 2 (~2%)
- Total Full Closes: 0 (0%)
None of the girls I dated I ended up hooking up with, which is interesting given my status as a PUA. Most of them were innocent, nice girls and not used to hooking up right away after the first date. My cold approach girls will usually sleep with me after the 1st date. But, since you first date IS you first face to face meeting, online dates usually take a little longer.
What Are The Quality of Girls?
In San Diego, I’m not seeing any FGOP disguises. I remember going on 2-3 dates in the south bay and all of them were clearly overweight. All the girls I’ve been out with were average weight to skinny. Some of them had better faces than others, but everyone passed the “I would fuck her” bar. With exception of the blonde in the middle, most of the “super hotties” were hard to pin down unless they are new in town.
Is There Racism?
Sure. I am testing Tinder with a white guy profile as well as messages. The response rates are a bit higher, but not as high as we expected. More on this one on my next post.
It is no longer accepted to be “openly racist” these days. Still, “passive racism” exists. That is, girls don’t want to end up with an Asian guy, even a good looking one. Some girls less than 2-3% have flat out said, “you’re not my type”, but most of them just use other excuses or stop responding. If a girl sticks, it is more likely that she’s in need of attention at that moment. Given the HUGE number of emails they get, it has more to do with her mood than your race.
Basically, if you are even a decent looking girl, you will get swamped with lame emails from all the guys trying to get some.
What About Asian Girls?
Surprisingly, Asian girls are hard to get out to meet me. I stay away from them but sometimes 1-2 land in my inbox. Either they are intimated that I don’t look traditionally Asian, or they are American Asian and trying to get white guys.