More Than A Wingman

How to Pickup Girls with your Buddy

Guest post by Rob Judge

Top Gun Wingman
Wingmen from Top Gun

One of the more unfortunate terms in the PUA lexicon is “the wingman”. The term reduces potential friendships to pure utility. Whenever you call someone your “wing,” it connotes “man-acquaintance for picking up chicks” rather than “cool guy I’d consider a friend”.

Even more unfortunate, when guys go out with a wingman, or with a fleet of wingmen, the vibe is super creepy and predatory, rather than fun and laid back. Obviously, such a zero-sum mentality makes meeting and attracting women much more difficult, and much less fun.

When I first started going out to learn to attract beautiful women, I was fortunate enough to have met my charismatic wing, Zack Bauer. Lucky for us, we become fast friends instead of simply founding our relationship on “sarging.” When Zack and I first started, we both pretty much sucked. Now, however, all those “sucky nights” make for hilarious jokes and funny memories that only strengthen our friendship. If you saw Zack and I on Mehow’s Infield Insider, you probably know we use our inside jokes and fun vibe to suck girls into our party, rather than try to creepily snake our way into their party.

As such, here are some simple tips that will make sure you treat your “wingman” more like a buddy and less like a creepy pickup accessory.

The Buddy System

Always remember that your wingman is your friend first! While lots of male friendships form around getting girls, make sure your friendship is win-win. If your buddy wings you one night, you should be ready to wing him next time. If your wing hooks you up with a cute girl, you should try to return the favor.

The Vibe Starts Here

Cultivate a friendship with your wing away from meeting girls, as well. Even if it’s just grabbing dinner and joking around before going out, the vibe always starts before you guys go out to meet women. Your wingman should be someone you are proud to call a friend. You and your wing should generate fun together and keep each other positive and motivated. Sometimes wingmen help each other by distracting jealous guys, neutralizing spiteful people, or even hooking up her less desirable friend (commonly called “jumping on a grenade”).

The Introduction

Whenever you bring your wing into an interaction, simply introduce him. “Hey guys, meet my friend Zack,” is a perfect introduction. Avoid big, over the top introductions. If your wing is cool, he can demonstrate it himself. You do not need to sell him like an infomercial. Friends and cool people do not act like that.

Tactical Tact

Whichever of you begins the interaction with a group of girls, the wingman can enter about 30-40 seconds later. When he does, he should engage the rest of the group by being friendly. A common mistake is for the wing to come in and run game on your girl’s friend or friends. Your wing you should NOT double game the group. Since the group already likes you, your wing will automatically benefit from the second-hand attraction. Most of the time, the friend of your girl will actually game your wing. As long as he carries a decent conversation, he’s good to go.

Handling Pains in the Ass

Sometimes, however, a friend will not “play ball” with your wing. Maybe she’s jealous of her friend, has a serious boyfriend, or simply is not in the mood to meet guys. Regardless, your wing should read the situation and back off. He should try to minimize the resistance your girl’s friend may exert on you and your girl. He can do this by saying something like, “Hey look, I think you’re a cool girl, but I can see we’re not as into each other as our friends. So let’s just hang out and not feel awkward or feel like we need to be all over each other. But also, let’s give our friends space to get to know each other, too. They really seem to like each other. How long have you known your friend for?” From there, your wing should casually drop in some details that let’s her friend know you are a normal, safe guy (e.g. he should mention your job, education, where you live, your relationship with your family, etc.).

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