date: Sat, 10 Sep 2005 20:56 GMT
subject: Mini-Cold Reads For Attraction …Rapport is pretty simple when you understand the tendency to like and feel COMFORT around those people …
Just about everyone will agree that rapport is important anytime you have an interaction with another person. If you think about it, it’s kind of a no-brainer. Who likes to spend time around someone that is being obnoxious? Maybe some of the whacked out street people in San Francisco do, people I know like to spend time with people that make them feel comfortable.
People Like People Who Are Like Themselves
Rapport is pretty simple when you understand the tendency to like and feel COMFORT around those people who are similar to you. There are theories that say it goes back to our days of living in tribes and clans, and was a way to recognize threats to the clan. That may be true, but all that really matters is to understand if you want a woman to feel comfortable with you, you’ll need to build rapport with her.
The opposite is true as well. If you want to drive someone away, break rapport with them. There are times when this can be useful, but I would recommend you practice building rapport first… you’ll get a lot more mileage out of that.
Methods For Building Rapport
There are people who seem to be naturals at building rapport. These people were modeled using the methods of Nuero Linguistic Programming (NLP), and a lot of different techniques were discovered.
Many of these use a method known as Mirroring and Matching. To do this you must be able to calibrate the other person, moving your body like they do, speaking like they do, and even timing your breathing to theirs.
These techniques work well, since this is what normally happens when two people are in rapport. The challenge with these methods is that it takes a lot of practice to be able to do them without being detected.
It also takes a while to be able to do them without being distracted from the conversation going on. Since mirroring and matching will usually happen naturally once you already have rapport, you are better off finding an easier way to build rapport and let nature take it’s course.
A Simple Method
An easier method is to find out things about the person that you both have in common. This can be done easily inside of a fun and fascinating conversation. The more you have in common, the faster rapport will develop.
Think about a time when you met someone and found out they were from your home town. How quickly did that change how you felt about them? I’ve had the experience of being on the other side of the planet and running into someone from the USA. It might be the case that normally I wouldn’t spend time with them, but it feels good just to speak your own language and share the culture you have in common for a brief moment in time.
A Fun Way To Find Commonalities
When you have a woman you want to build trust and comfort with, a really fun way for both of you to build rapport, is to use cold reading as a way to find out what you have in common.
There are some key benefits to using cold reading as opposed to everyday conversation.
(1). People usually won’t resist cold reads since they are ambiguous, yet sound true to the listener
(2). She will feel like you understand her, so she will open up even more to you.
(3). It’s easy to get her talking about things she doesn’t even tell her best friends
(4). You will quickly find out things you share in common, by pointing these out you’ll build rapport quickly with her. You’ll ‘connect’ with her on a deeper level.
What Is Cold Reading
Cold reading is a technique used by salespeople, interrogators and psychics to convince other people that they know more about them than they actually do. Generally, the cold reader will make a series of vague statements, will observe their reaction, and then will refine the original statements based on the reactions they got.
If you have ever read a newspaper horoscope and felt that it was accurate, you have experienced a cold read type of statement.
The reason that it works so well, is because of the use of ambiguities… basically statements which can have multiple meanings. When a person hears such a word or statement, their mind will fill in the meaning from their own personal experience. Thus it seems to be a true statement about them.
In NLP there is a method of speaking in ambiguities called the Milton Model, named after one of the most famous hypnotists Milton Erickson. When modeling Erickson’s hypnosis it was discovered that he used ambiguities in language to not only build rapport, but to put people into a suggestive state (trance). So you might realize that cold reading is also hypnotic.
Different Types Of Cold Reading Used In Pickup
There are two distinct types of cold reading that can be used in pickup. The first type really aren’t cold reads for getting rapport, they are a modified version used to build attraction. Some people call these mini-cold reads.
Mini-Cold Reads For Attraction
Basically these are playful teasing comments, often that don’t make a lot of sense, but are a fun way to escalate sexual tension through banter.
(1). “You and I would never get along.”
(2). “You’re a bad girl, my mother warned me about girls like you.”
(3). “You’re a shy girl aren’t you? You guys need to get her out more.”
(4). “You’re like Velma on Scooby Doo, always trying to figure things out.”
(5). “You guys are trouble.”
WARNING: If you do this at the wrong time you will destroy rapport and blow any chance you had with her. There is an art to playful banter, and part of that art is knowing when it’s time to drop it.
Cold Reading To Build Rapport
In rapport phase you want to use these to have her feel like you really understand her and so she will open up to you. You’ll need to be a very good listener during this process so when you hear a commonality, you can point it out to her so she realizes it. Otherwise she won’t notice.
Use this as a tool for a deep and intimate conversation, women dream about meeting a man who can talk with them in this way.
Utilize a mixture of general statements and subtle leading questions to gain information on the subject by either verbal or non-verbal means (such as tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, etc).
Example: Using The Cube as a framework for cold reading. CR = Cold Read
PUA: where is your cube located HB: it’s floating in the air, above the horizon PUA (CR): Some of your ideas tend to be a bit unrealistic HB: OMG, that’s so true. I have these ideas… and when I tell my friends they say I’m a total dreamer, all the time.. blah blah PUA: That’s too funny, my friends tell me the same thing when I tell them about… blah blah
What if she didn’t agree or was neutral (you have to calibrate the tone of her voice and body language)
HB: Ummmm, I guess so PUA:(CR) Fortunately, you are a person who has learned her strengths and limitations, so you seldom take on a project which you aren’t sure you can complete. HB: Yes. Exactly! Even since I was a kid I won’t do things that I’m not sure I can do. People know me as the practical one. When we plan our trips to Costa Rica they always come to me to make sure it will get done. PUA: Costa Rica is where I had my most amazing travel experience… (story) I think it’s my favorite country.
11 Commonly Used Cold Reads
This is a list of the 11 most commonly used cold reads by psychics. If you memorize these you really won’t need any others. You can mix and match them based on the context.
1) You have a strong need for others to like and admire you.
2) You have a tendency to be critical of yourself.
3) You have a great deal of unused capacity which you have not turned to your advantage.
4) Your past relationships have presented problems for you.
5) You can be disciplined and controlled on the outside, and worrisome and insecure on the inside.
6) You sometimes doubt your own decisions.
7) You like change and variety and don’t like to be hemmed in by restrictions and limitations.
8) You are independent minded and need proof before accepting others opinions.
9) You have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others.
10) At times you are extroverted and sociable, while at others you are introverted and reserved.
11) Some of your aspirations tend to be pretty unrealistic.
You don’t have to use this exact wording, but the structure is important. Example: #10 could be restated as “There are times when you are very energetic and outgoing, and other times you just like to chill.” Note that you can open any of these statements with “You know, I’ve got an intuition about you…”
If you want more of these, just read the daily horoscope for material.
There are many different ways to build rapport, and using cold reading is just one. Cold reading is powerful because it provides a way to get her to open up to you without her feeling like it’s an interview. Then you can find commonalities that you share so that she can bond with you.
It may also happen during this process, that you find out she’s not really a woman you want to spend time with. You’ll have saved a lot of time finding this out.
Practice the techniques of cold reading and you’ll get good at them quickly. You’ll be amazed at how women will open up to you.