From FastSeduction, Mystery’s Archive.
Sep 21, 1998:
Mystery: “When the pain gets bad enough you will move on, and then you will get more pain from the next girl you can’t get. And then the next and the next. Finally you will get a bit numb and not let your emotions get in until after she’s your girlfriend. And then you will notice that because you don’t let them step on you emotionally you will seem like kind of an ass and attract more women. Ah, going through the same shit I went through. I thought maybe you could bypass that shit, but no you chose to go through it.”
A week ago the thought of giving up game and going back to the way I was crossed my mind. It was there for a second, like a flicker of campfire in the dark. I knew it was momentary, as learning pickup and game has given me so much that I would otherwise never have had. But there are major low lights in learning this game. (I tend to bypass all of the posts because they are negative, and my writing may seem confused at times. Those entries are in my personal diary.) If you want to get good, you are going to face rejection. Lots of it, young grasshopper.
I have gotten used to rejection from girls that I did not know, or mediocre looking girls whom I can full close but not become emotionally attached to. A few weeks ago I had to face rejection from 2 really hot girls that I was able to hook and setup day 2s with, but no full close. This is painful to me because I grew emotionally attached to them. At least I thought I was, at the time. In retrospect, I know understand that I was emotionally attached to the idea of having a hot girlfriend. That always appealed to me. Some strange combination of good sex, social proof, and just always fulfilling that aspect of your fantasy that you’ve always had – the guy with the really beautiful girl.The idea is appealing to me, and I think men in general.
So the cycle of emotions started taking over. Sadness. Acceptance. Anger. Denial. For about 2 weeks I decided hardcore to focus on other areas of my life. To an extent, this is actually a very strong force of energy which can be channeled into work, working out, making financial plans, among other things. By the second week, however, the inability to be flexible in meeting girls gets to you. You start feeling a bit depressed, and always a little bit angry and on edge. This can be a good thing if you’re angry for the right reasons, and only if you find a right channel to push the energy towards.
This isn’t the first time it has happened to me – every time I reach a major obstacle in finding my playboy bunny I swear off pickup for a while and go back to what I know best – business. When I quit my job in NY to come to CA, this was one of the reasons. When I moved into San Francisco to live the city life, this was one of the reasons. But my ideas are far fetched, and my expectations too great. I think to myself, “when I have all the money I need, I’ll build my own lifestyle with hot chicks and fuck chasing girls and getting rejected. No more of that shit!”.
You are going to go through a phase where you hate hot chicks. I did, and I know many PUAs who do also. You starting thinking that HBs only hook up with hot guys or rich guys – for replication or survival purposes. You start wishing that you were a little bit taller, richer, better looking, and then things would be alright. You start harboring all these negative emotions towards girls in general. There is some truth to these thoughts. Girls can be very logical from a S&R perspective when picking who they sleep with. Sometimes it seems fucked up, especially in the field. Good looking guys probably do get laid more. It’s part of the deal. At the end of the day, it is important to realize which things you can change right away, and the things that will take time. I believe that all things can be changed. Some just take longer than others. Some take different routes than you initially thought.
If anyone else is going through the “anger at obstacles in getting better at game” or “rejection from hot girls” phase, I hope the following distillations of my learning will be of help to you:
1. Looks do matter. A lot. The reason this is debated so much in the community is because it is controversial. It matters. There are certain types of guys out there that can trigger an emotional response from a woman simply by the way he looks. I’ve seen this happen in field many times. Obviously, he doesn’t act like a total chode, because women have treated him different since he was little, and this sense of entitlement growing up has shaped his reality significantly towards pickup. I HAVE seen some good looking guys chode out at bars. This I agree. But in his normal life, he has much more opportunities to pickup girls from his social circle, during the day, at work, etc. His barriers to success are much lower. The truth is, girls are attracted to guys within the first few seconds to few minutes. His looks, in combination with his game play a big part of this. Percentage wise, (laisez fair) all else being equal, good looking guys can trigger attraction much faster than an average looking guy. I think the community in general downplays this part, partially because it is commercialized, and partially because, there usually isn’t a lot most guys can do about this by developing their game.
What I would suggest instead, is to identify the key factors of your looks. Being aware of what your looks convey about you. This includes tackling the controversial but important factors such as race, age, social economic status of what you “look” conveys within a first impression. Also, identifying long term potential for improving your look, whether it is through physical training, plastic surgery, or styling.
2. In the longterm, social class matters. This is an interesting one. I have noticed two seemingly conflicting things. One extreme involves guys like Casanova sleeping with women of the clergy and PUAs dating girls with MBAs and such. We read FRs of hot girls in high positions all the time. But how many of these girls actually end up marrying and starting a family with a PUA who is below her social class? In The Red Queen, Ridley correct denotes that a female of “exceptional beauty will always marry above her social class”. Maybe true love finds its way, and a Notebook story unfolds. However, these stories are generally true. Being of a certain social economic status allows you to meet people within that circle. In the long run, it allows you to game girls who are also part of those social ecosystems.
The good news is that we live in a society with a free capitalist system. More often than not, this system rewards people who generate value for the economy. Most of the top billionaires today are self made, and not through inheritance. Class barriers have never been more fluid in history, at least here in the US, and in many places around the world as well. To have a high social class and income also conveys value, does it not? It shows good business acumen.
I think girls fuck guys regardless of social status. Women of beauty generally marry men of higher social status.
On the other extreme of the coin, I see guys with MBAs and PhDs all the time at work. I also see plenty of HBs at work. For the most part, these men have 0 game. This concerns me. I look around and I see some of the top MBA program graduates – and they don’t look sex worthy. It makes me start to question the reasons for me in my goals to obtain a MBA. To be fair, there are a lot of guys who I meet in the community who seem very nerdy and unsexworthy as well.
The real sex worthy guys, to me, seem to be in entertainment. Rockstars. Lead singers. Men in fashion. Bartenders. Business owners. Cool Entrepreneurs – the ones that rock a white collared shirt and guess jeans and has tattoos. Entrepreneurs who no longer work for the money, but for the passion of what they do. In the industry that I work in, sex-worthy guys are few and far in between. It makes me wonder why people spend their lives trying to climb a career ladder, when in truth all we really need is to get laid.
3. It is ok to take time off game.
It is never all in or fold when it comes to game. It is an ongoing process. We change. Hating or loving women in general is misleading – women are comprised of people. Your female friends. Your mom. Your girlfriends. The friendly girls at the bar. The bitchy ones. I know how it feels to be angry at women in general – fuck the hot chicks at the bar – I am done. I hate chasing all the time.
Try not to take on this mentality like I did – I know it is easy to do. Because it is the easy way out. Women are human beings. As such, they come in variety. There are good ones and bad ones. Always remember, that the field doesn’t lie – and when you are in field, the one constant you have is your mind and your skillset. And this never changes.