date: Fri, 09 Sep 2005 19:46 GMT
subject: Juggler’s Rapport Theory …Be interesting. Give answers that engage her imagination and make her want to know more about you. Your mind …
To achieve a feeling of being very connected to a girl, who you have just met, act as if you are already lovers.
Okay, nothing ground breaking. Other people have suggested similar frames. But few have dug deeper and thought about the implications of being and staying in this frame.
The first realization should be that you can not ask a girl questions such as, “Where are you from?”, “What do you do for a living?” or even “What is your name?”
If you know her already, then you would not need these answers. If you ask those questions you will remind her that you are a stranger and rapport will be damaged.
Instead, ask questions like, “What would your fantasy vacation be like?” or “What’s the story behind the ring you are wearing?”
Even better, instead of asking questions, make intimate statements. Talking as if your listener already knows you as well.
Do not say, “I have a four year old niece. While visiting me today she did the craziest thing with her bowl of cookie dough ice cream.”
No need to inform your listener of your life facts. Re-word to avoid this feel.
Instead say, “My four year old niece did the craziest thing with her bowl of cookie dough ice cream.”
Bad: “I work for XYZ corporation as a vice president. My office is on the twentieth floor. Today I had a thought….”
Better: “I was looking out over the city today at work when I got this feeling that I was connected to all those people …”
Do not go out of your way to inform your listener about the facts of your life. Otherwise, you are ruining the illusion that you two already know each other.
Now of course your listener will become curious about you and ask questions. When she does, reward her curiosity by being interesting.
Her: “What is your nieces name?”
You: “Her name is Christine. She was named after my great grandmother. The funny thing is, my great grandmother, back in the thirties, ran an upscale bordello. So when my niece is being rambunctious we call her, Madam Christine.”
Be interesting. Give answers that engage her imagination and make her want to know more about you. Your mind frame should not be about holding something back, but instead giving something more than she expects. Something most people are only comfortable giving after they know someone.
In general avoid discussing life facts for their own sake – hers or yours. That will only get in the way and degrade rapport.
One caution: Women can fall under the spell of this illusion very strongly. They can be aggressive with you in a way they only would with a boyfriend they had been seeing awhile. Make sure they know you are not so easy as to sleep with a woman the first night you met her. Well, at least not until she buys you a couple of drinks and gives you a back massage. :)