I Perspective

Quick Definition: Using the first person perspective when telling a story or having a conversation.

Full Definition:

The “I” perspective is a commonly used conversational technique, which has been greatly developed and clarified by the instructors of Charisma Arts. The basic idea behind the I perspective is to use the word “I” in conversations and to tell stories from the first person perspective. This has a number of benefits.

First, in order to use the I perspective, the PUA has to speak about himself. Since the entire process of rapport is about the PUA and the girl getting to know each other better, the I perspective helps to keep the conversation focused on topics that will help the girl get to know the PUA better, rather than getting lost in some topic that has nothing to do with them.

Secondly, using the I perspective in storytelling helps the listener to better empathize with the PUA. Novice storytellers often make the mistake of using the word “you” a lot in their stories, instead of using the word “I.” This has the effect of making the story harder to relate to and making it less personal. Take the following example:

We went hiking the other day, and it was awesome. It was such a beautiful day, you could just feel the sun warming your skin, and from the top of the mountain you could see for miles and miles. You wouldn’t believe how beautiful it was.

The above example is a decent story, but it’s difficult to relate to the author because he’s not really sharing his experiences. It’s almost like he’s trying to force the reader into feeling a set of emotions. By making a simple shift to the I perspective, the story becomes a lot more relatable:

We went hiking the other day, and it was awesome. It was such a beautiful day, I could just feel the sun warming my skin, and from the top of the mountain I could see for miles and miles. I couldn’t believe how beautiful it was.

The second story is pretty much identical to the first, but is a lot more relatable and lets the listener understand the emotions that the storyteller was feeling better.

Finally, the I perspective is also a great conversational tool to use when in a conflict situation or in an emotionally charged conversation such as a break-up. Using the I perspective and talking only about one’s own emotions and feelings, rather than the other person’s perceived faults, makes the other person a lot less defensive and helps the conversation to go a lot more smoothly.

Thus, the I perspective is a simple conversational technique that has a multitude of benefits, and it’s a quick tool to take one’s conversational skills to the next level.


I used the “I” perspective to help gain rapport with the cute Asian girl.

Related Terms: Charisma Arts, Conversational Rapport, Conversational Jujitsu, Emotional Connection

Source: Charisma Arts

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