5 years I’ve been cold approaching. While I don’t go out every day, there are nights I do 20 approaches and nights where I do 1.
Let’s assume 52 weeks in a week, and an average of 4 approaches per week. That’s 200 approaches a year x 5, which nets us 1000 cold approaches. I think I’ve surpassed that number, maybe more.
Whenever I do a cold approach, most of the time, I gain clarity in field of reality. This is because your own belief system crashes with another persons’ and the more you interact with different people, the more likely it is that they will either challenge, or eventually change your perception of reality. Since all reality is subjective to a degree to the user, we are in term influenced by the girls (and guys) we meet along the way.
Recently, you will recall my solo trip to Miami, and other there I learned a ton about myself. My game was improving to another level. Then it plateaued a bit, as I started sorting out what it is that made my game good in Miami. Overall, friends and wings noticed a more congruence, stronger presence. This is hard for me to explain. Some of this is implicit skills I’ve picked up that I may not be aware of.
How My Game Improved
Overall though, I would say, my post Miami game changed in the following ways:
- I was no longer afraid of getting blown out, and I can hold sets and when friends leave I can sarge on my own in my own town. I’m not as afraid. Sarging alone is a bit boring sometimes if you have a few bad sets, or don’t see the girls you like. However, I’ve developed the competence to do this if and when I have to. Overall I enjoy having wings and friends around so its not something I voluntarily do.
- Blow outs don’t mean much to me – even the really harsh ones, generally have no effect. I won’t see the person anymore. Sometimes depending on the situation, my wings or friends hurt me more than the girl. Whether it is jealousy, envy, or disrespect (i.e. leaving you behind at a bar, not really caring about you). These seemingly trivial things I take more seriously, perhaps because I have learned the true value of friendship, and this bothers me more than anything a girl can say about me.
- For example, one night I talked to a guy as he was walking by asking him a question about his girls at the W hotel. He looks pissed and just turned away. I didn’t react at all and it didn’t bother me. What did bother me that night was one of the girls in our group, she was giving me shit and taking me for granted even though she was staying at my house (my friend asked me to host her). I found that more disrespectful because you’re my friend.
- When in set, I am more present and I don’t flinch at all. I truly believe that I am worth her time, and that any differences we have is a natural cause of disconnect. No one is better or worse than another person.
- I listen more, and I am more ego-less – I don’t project what I think about that person onto them and try to see them for who they really are. This ego-less form comes thanks to Tyler Durden and Eckhart Tolle, and this element developed more as I felt love from my family after 5 years of not seeing them.
Here is the brief progression over the last 6 months:
CHILL and just BEING
The thing I learned from my parents was powerful – to just CHILL. Be in someone’s company and not think too much. Just BE. My dad would just lie next to me and fall asleep. I always thought you “needed” some permission to hangout or be at someone’s house, but with dad, mom and my bro, we just WERE. It was comfortable. They MADE me comfortable, after years of American culture and isolation. This important piece I learned from being with them for 2 weeks and will always affect the rest of my relationships for the rest of my life. I haven’t been with them since I was 21 and 16 for a few months, so it has been long overdue.
When you learn to chill you create a powerful natural vibe. I am learning how to combine this with an excitement that should come from natural approaches, and the result is, when I do approach, I tend to do well. I do miss the “power approach” days where you just hit every single set, however my approaches have been more calibrated and they tend to go better. Just feels more stable. I do still think that a guy who can hit up every set successfully while maintaining an inner calm is a great artist. Think about it. If Lebron James only scored 10 points a game, yet he did it with such style, does he win the game? What if another player scored 100 points, but they all looked ugly as hell? Sometimes, playing the game as hard as you can is the reward.
“Inner calm” is hard to explain to someone via writing. The best book I can recommend is Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. Next, do you remember Jamie Chung, now a super movie star from the Real World San Diego? She had this calm about her. Inner confidence throughout the show. She didn’t get into the petty cast drama and just stayed to herself while remaining friendly. This inner calm is the result of being, not over thinking. Of letting the ego go, yet directing it towards your destination when it suits your needs or ambitions. Without letting the evils of the ego (vanity, lust, greed) take over.
Jamie Chung and how she carries herself now:
Have you ever seen someone who answers a question in such a neutral way, that you believe them more? Watch Jay Z and how he responds to Howard’s questions. His neutrality is his ability to tap into who he really is at the core, not just paddling around at the surface of his ego:
More recently, the picture of how to combine hot girls and make a lot of money is becoming clearer and clearer in my mind. The details are filling out themselves. I will share more with you as I make progress on this, because when I disclose my plans it has to be timed so that no one else, even if they tried, can replicate what I plan to do.