One of the biggest problems guys have is running out of things to say when talking to a cute girl. The more attractive the girl, the more pressure you might feel about the “awkward silence” or “nervous laughter”
Most dating and social advice blogs will give you tips like “do more improv!” and “make a list of things you like!” but you know already that here at PUA Lingo we deal with first-level principles.
So, you must ask: what makes a silence awkward?
Are all silences in social situations awkward?
Why do you get nervous around hotter girls?
Is being nervous or silent bad?
The reason we feel “awkward” when things are silent on a date, is because of the expectation that you have to entertain her or otherwise, she will leave.
If your game is strong, the girl will engage you, and also she will stay and enjoy the silence with you, in your presence. In the beginning, the guy should carry the conversation around 70%, then shift to 50-50 after the first 5 minutes. This is usually the guideline for cold approaches and first dates setup through online datinng.
The reason we feel “nervous laughter” is usually because of the perceived value difference. We believe that the girl has higher value. Think about it. Would you get “nervous” or “awkwardly silent” around your little niece or a family member, or even a homeless person?
The more you embrace that you are of value, the less nervous you will be, and the less afraid of awkwardness or silences you will be. You let them happen as part of the natural interaction.
Now, with structured game, it’s important that you have some training wheels in the beginning to develop a strong conversation toolbox. This skill is not because you are “lower value” than a hot girl, but simply for your own benefit. Everything you are learning in game is for the purpose of becoming a man in your prime. In other words, you’re developing yourself for you, not everyone else. The hot girl(s) is a side benefit of your progress as a man.
Tactically, here are a few tips
1. Embracing the silence, and letting whatever come up, come up. Improv class is great at developing this skill of being present. Your unconscious mind has an amazing ability to generate ideas, thoughts and conversation topics to the surface. While most men are busy analyzing what they should say, improv class teaches you how to go into the creative side of your brain and let whatever comes up flow. The more you tap into this power, the easier it becomes to just start flowing off any conversation topic.
2. In structured game, we’ve developed lines that you can use as training wheels. Similar to comedians using jokes they know will hit an audience and get laughter, you can use some lines that have been field-tested to work. This is why we developed the 33 lines that get you hot dates here. You can even write down your own as you experience and see which lines work. Most of the time, I use method #1 to flow, and then when good things come up, I write them down and refine them. For example, “you looked interesting and I wanted to meet you” has evolved to become “you looked interesting from afar and I wanted to see if that’s true”, which now sets up more of a challenge frame for the girl.
3. The third way is to talk to yourself. Sounds crazy? Napoleon Hill talked about his “mastermind” that he developed in his own mind in “Think And Grow Rich”. They are your own advisory counsel. I practice talking to myself using different characters, playing out scenes and situations in my head. In this way, I visualize my interactions with women going well, and different situations where she may say nice things, shit test me, or even compliment me. I have devised and emulated every scenario possible and come up with the best way to “flow” that conversation to a fun, energetic experience that improves my dating life. Whether or not she chooses me, I’ve done my best to have a great interaction.
If you’re looking for some help so you never run out of things to say again, checkout our new 33 lines that have been field-tested to work here.