date: Fri 4 May 2003 11:35 GMT
website: www.charismarts.com old forums
subject: How to Compliment…The proper way to compliment a girl is when they’ve EARNED it. I don’t tell my girl she’s sexy when she’s pulled an all-night …
Okay… so you want to compliment a girl. That’s great. I’m love telling the girl I’m seeing how sexy she is/how much I want to fuck her/how gorgeous she looks in xyz. Compliments are nice and they make everyone involved feel good So what’s the problem?
The problem gentlemen is…
UNSOLICITED AND UNEARNED COMPLIMENTS.
A compliment is a gift. It’s a sign of appreciation that you extend to another person. Now, I see a lot of men who want to compliment a girl. But 9/10 times, these compliments are usually because the girl is hot, or beautiful, or pretty.
This, in my book, is NOT REASON ENOUGH FOR A COMPLIMENT.
How would you feel if a girl said, “Nice bank account. You’re really cool. Want my #?” You would think “WTF? Is this bitch stupid?” It would be OBVIOUS that she is giving you a compliment because something about you is OF USE to her, right? And no one wants a bullshit compliment like that.
This is the sammmeee shit that girls have to deal with 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They get compliments ALL THE TIME and they KNOW it’s because 9/10 times, the guy wants to fuck them. This makes the compliment WORTHLESS, because it is not a genuine sign of appreciation, but a manipulative TOOL.
The proper way to compliment a girl is when they’ve EARNED it. I don’t tell my girl she’s sexy when she’s pulled an all-night for an exam and walks in dressed in dirty sweats, with her hair all messy and her eyes sandy as fuck. Do I still care about her? Yes. Do I still want to spend time with her? Of course. But why would I tell her she looks sexy when… she’s not at that time?
HOWEVER… if we’re about to hit up a club or a party and I meet up with her and she’s dressed to kill, wearing a sexy top or or she has her hair done up the way I love or she’s showing off her beautiful legs in a hot skirt… THEN I’ll grab her and spin her around and tell her how hot she is and how we can afford to be 15 min. late. She’s EARNED it, by putting in the effort to look extra hot for me. I will GLADLY let her know I appreciate the effort.
In a broader sense, when you are interacting with a girl, you should also only compliment when she’s earned it. In this sense, you can NEVER compliment a girl on her looks, especially not at first. Why? Because looks are not earned. You should never tell a girl, “You know… you’re really beautiful” because her beauty wasn’t EARNED. If you see that the girl consciously dressed up FOR YOU, THEN you can reward her for the EFFORT, by telling her how good she looks TONIGHT (when you know she put in that effort FOR YOU). But you should never compliment looks for the sake of looks alone. It has not been EARNED.
My general rule of thumb is… when I first meet a girl and I’m talking to her, getting to know her, etc., I only compliment on genuinely cool things. Generally… intangible things, such as a trait of her personality or a direct action she has taken. I will compliment a girl for having a great energy and being fun and cool enough to keep up with me. I will compliment her for having a great sense of fashion. I will compliment her for having a sharp tongue or for being exceptionally clever. These compliments are EARNED through her DEMONSTRATION of these qualities – perhaps she teases back very well or she dresses very stylishly or she manages to stay bubbly and cheerful. Because she SHOWS these things to me through EFFORT, I will compliment her.
But never on something as superficial and effortless as looks.
For all the inexperienced guys… compliments will not win you into a girl’s heart. In a way, a compliment is a way of showing a girl just how much you UNDERSTAND her. If all you can find to compliment about is her beauty or her looks… then just take a step back and realize just how LITTLE you know or understand about this girl. And in this ignorance, also realize just how LITTLE she values your compliment – afterall, what are words worth from someone who doesn’t know or understand us… someone who is only interested in the superficiality of beauty? Girls understand this at a deeper level than most guys.
Instead, get to know her FIRST… THEN compliment her on something WORTH the words you speak. In this way, you also show your own value and confidence – you show that you are not a man who is easily swayed or impressed by looks. Instead, you are a man who needs to be IMPRESSED FIRST…. and who will reward such effort with his own appreciation.