Author: David DeAngelo
Context: Classic David D. Date Advice
I’ve noticed a KEY difference between the way men and women act when they meet a “potential mate”.
I get a lot of guys who write in to ask me for dating advice on how to behave around women. Many of those questions focus on the first meeting or the first date. I thought I’d devote one entire newsletter to a concept that I feel is VITAL to understand if you’re wondering how to behave around a woman you’ve just met. A MISTAKE ALMOST EVERY GUY MAKES I’ve noticed a KEY difference between the way men and women act when they meet a “potential mate”. Women usually act in a way that can be characterized like this: ”You’re interesting to me. I’d like to get to know you better, and we can see where this goes.” Men usually act in a way that can be characterized like this:” I am so interested in you that I’m nervous. In fact, I’m already thinking of you as a potential girlfriend or wife… or at least a one-night stand.” In other words, women are usually casual and laid-back when they’re first meeting a guy…But GUYS tend to act like every girl is a POTENTIAL WIFE.As you can imagine, this creates a lot of tension and pressure. And I’m not talking about the GOOD kind, either.
I’m talking about the kind that makes men shiver and shake with nervousness, and women feel uncomfortable because the MAN is acting uncomfortable. I KNOW that you can relate to this in some way. THE ANSWER The simple dating advice here is…DON’T DO IT. If you start acting all freakish and nervous when you’re talking to a woman, you’re probably going to screw things up before they’ve even had a chance to get started. Treating a woman that you’ve just met as if she very well could be the love of your life is something you should NEVER do. Instead, take a very different approach. My favorite is to ASSUME that every woman has SOMETHING that’s going to annoy me, bother me, or SCREW UP HER CHANCES with me. The MAIN reason that I do this…SURPRISE…IS THAT IT’S TRUE! Duh. The fact is that MOST women are NOT compatible “long term” with most men. In other words, there if you do get into a long-term relationship with a particular woman, the chances are that she’s going to have things about her that you don’t like.
One of my favorite Cocky & Funny themes to follow is “You’re screwing up your chances with me”. Let’s say I’m walking down the street with a girl to have a cup of tea. Let’s assume that she and I just met the night before, I got her number, and now we’re walking from my place to tea. On the way in the door to the coffee shop, she trips over the doorway. I might look at her, shake my head in an “overly dramatic fake annoyed” way, and say “This relationship just isn’t going to work”. Then, let’s say fifteen minutes later she spills her tea on the table and herself. I’ll shake my head again and say “What did I tell you about this kind of behavior?”. In other words, I’m communicating the very OPPOSITE of “You’re a potential wife”. I’m saying “I’m so comfortable around you that I can even make fun of you without caring what you think of me”. Does this sound a little crazy? Good. It should. But trust me. If you spend a couple of hours having regular, normal conversation… being Cocky & Funny, enjoying yourself, NOT trying to impress her, and generally demonstrating that you could care less how things turn out, you’ll be FAR more likely to take things further than if you act as if she might be the love of your life and you wind up acting so nervous, stilted, and DUMB that she runs away. So here it is your bit of dating advice… one thing that most guys who are unsuccessful with women do that screws things up… one thing to AVOID:DON’T TREAT A WOMAN YOU’VE JUST MET AS IF SHE’S A POTENTIAL FUTURE WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND. Instead, lean back. Be cool. Make jokes about her screwing up her chances with you. Tell her that she’s a nice friend. Assume that she has qualities that are going to annoy you, then point them out (in a Cocky & Funny way, of course).Don’t lose your composure. It can be fatal if you do. Another bit of dating advice: Most guys don’t “get” women. And, unfortunately, most guys look for tricks and “pick up lines” when it comes time to LEARN how to meet women. They don’t realize that all the tricks in the world aren’t going to help them if they don’t UNDERSTAND what’s “going on”.