Quick Definition: The natural instinct of a man to “zone out” and not talk after a long period of work or intense activity, often manifested in watching the TV or just reading the newspaper.
In tribal times, man evolved to be the hunter, and a scan of his brain today reveals the more advanced development of motor skills and hand-eye coordination. Women’s brains developed around speech patterns and social intuition. At the end of a long day’s hunt, man needed to sit and rest in front of the fire. His mind is blank. He needs the time to re-charge his energy for the next day’s hunt. The utter exhaustion of his physical power and fulfillment of his task is at hand.
Today, we no longer have to hunt wild animals. However, we still instinctively “fire-gaze.” This is why men in relationships are often attacked by women who find that they are not “listening” to them. Intensive listening is a difficult thing to do, even among women.
It is important to understand this concept and let your girl(s) know when you need some time to unwind. A simple, “Honey, I understand you want to talk, and I promise we will. Just give me 20 minutes to unwind, and I will give you my full attention, okay?” can solve and prevent a lot of future problems.
Allen and Barbara Pease remarks in Why Men Don’t Have a Clue and Why Women Always Need New Shoes:
“At the end of a long workday, a man needs about thirty minutes of fire-gazing time to recoup energies before he’s ready to talk. Most women, however, are ready to talk and want to talk immediately.”
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” ― Mark Twain
If a man is stressed or otherwise “under pressure”, spending some fire gazing time in mediation or just enjoying a view can relieve him of his daily stress. Remember to give yourself enough fire-gazing time during you daily activities.
He’s fire gazing. Give him a few more minutes.