Excuses Excuses

Originally by: Sheriff

Context: A great read for guys who’ve  been in the game for a while but still aren’t getting the results they want.

Sheriff on talking yourself out of approaching.

Last night I went out to one of my favourite clubs – I wasn’t out to pick-up, I was out to dance and listen to the music. I was dancing, and this incredibly attractive girl keeps making eye contact with me. I decide to ‘play it cool’, and keep dancing. After about five minutes, she comes up to me, and dances at me. I decide to keep playing it cool, and basically ignore her. After five minutes, she moves on and dances with someone else, but I’m left feeling great because I rejected her, showing I have high value.

Luckily, that isn’t what actually happened: the hero of the story (that’d be me) did get the girl.

But it was going to, until a little alarm bell went off in my head that said “What the fuck are you doing?” And I realised that this is not the first time that I’ve blatantly ignored very heavy IOIs, and backwards rationalized it as me playing ‘hard to get’. I believe that the real cause is rejection fear if I respond to the girl, which is retarded.

I don’t really have anything else to add, just that I’m sure that because *I’ve* done this, so have other people. And that it’s taken me this long to realise that I’m doing it is quite sad, and a little worrying. One of the best tips I’ve had from David DeAngelo’s “Interviews with Dating Gurus” was from ‘Doc’, who basically said “approach attractive girls who give you IOIs” rather than just randomly appraoching. Sounds obvious, but I needed to hear that articulated to realise I wasn’t doing that.

If you find yourself ignoring strong IOIs from a girl that you find very attractive, take a step back and make sure that “Your so-called reason is not just a [cowardly] excuse!”

Approach Anxiety

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