Guest post by David Black
You’ve known this one girl for quite a while, you get on really well, you have a laugh and joke together and feel like you can talk about anything.You really like this girl (in that way), and you try to ‘make a move’ on her. She rejects your advances and says, “I see you as more of a friend.”
I’ve been there. I know this sucks really bad. You are now officially stuck in the ‘friend zone’.
The evil one-sided form of a dating romance, where your attraction for a girl is amplified by the fact that she doesn’t feel the same way for you. If left unchecked, this can descend into a self-destructive spiral of obsession and humiliation. Neither of which any man should ever have to contend with.
Let me say one thing first: There is no quick-fix for escaping the friend zone once you have entered. It is hard. The girl has already made a judgement about your potential as a sexual partner, and at this time, she doesn’t see you in that way. It is possible to change her mind but it’s gonna take a bit of effort.
The best way to deal with this ‘let’s just be friends’ issue, is to make sure it never happens in the first place. Here’s a few of the major causes of a girl slotting you neatly into the ‘friend’ category:
- You acted like a wuss around her, and didn’t have the courage to be the man for fear of how she would react.
- You did stuff for her in a blatant attempt to ‘convince’ her to sleep with you.
- You acted needy, clingy or desperate around her.
- You didn’t man-up and have the courage to escalate physically with her, and this creeped her out.
All these behaviours basically result in killing any attraction that exists between you. No matter how cool you appear to be, any of these behaviours can kill attraction stone dead, and literally make women’s skin crawl. This is really odd, I know, but it’s just the way it is.
So stop doing these behaviours and you’ll find this ‘friend zone’ problem is nipped in the bud. An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure, as the saying goes.
That said, what if want to know how to get a girl who you are already stuck in the ‘friend zone’ with and you wanna escape?
Well, you see that list of behaviours up there? You have to *immediately stop* doing all things that relate to those attraction killing behaviours.
Avoid the following stuff:
- Stop being nice to her all the time.
Disagree with something she says for a change. Stop acting like she is the most perfect girl in existence. This just creeps her out anyway. Maybe even have an argument with her where you really put her in her place.
- Stop doing stuff for her that has no benefit to you.
If you give her lifts in your car all the time, stop it. You’re getting nothing in return. Start treating your time and effort like it is valuable (cos it is!), and start refusing to do stuff with her. Do this in a cold, logical, no-emotional-drama way and she’ll think twice about your value (cos at the moment, whilst in the friend zone, she sees you as having much lower social value than her).
- Hang around with some other girls, maybe even get intimate with a few of them.
This will help you realise this girl ain’t that special after all, and you are seeing her through the rose-tinted glasses of lust. Put some of the other techniques on this site to work, so you can meet more women.
- Start acting like you could care less if she likes you, or has sex with you.
This is probably the polar opposite of what you have been doing. Treating her like you are willing to walk away at any point is extremely powerful. You need to get to the point where you really don’t care if you sleep with her or not, which comes from having abundance in your life, which is mostly down to your mindset. If you think about all the other hot women out there that you can choose from, you’ll realise that she never was that special in the first place.
- Start teasing her and being physically playful.
Call her demented, or a retard. Tickle her. Punch her lightly in the arm. The key is to keep a playful attitude.
Now this all sounds great in theory, but there’s a catch. You see, the problem with suddenly changing how you act around someone is that it is hard to do. You have all these old habits around this girl, and your mind resists changing these habits just as it resists any other change to your long-conditioned habits.
You’ll have doubts. You’ll question if this will really work. It will feel really hard for a while. But stick with it. It is possible to escape the friend zone.
The best way to beat it forever though, is to never get trapped there in the first place. This is the biggest tip I can give you in this area. Focus on avoiding the above mistakes, when building attraction and escalating physically, and you won’t have a problem with this happening in the future with new women you meet.
For more articles like this, check out the recommended reading on my blog: David Black Social Masters blog