Emotional Resilience

Quick Definition: The ability to insulate your emotional state from the responses you get in field.

Full Definition:

The game of pickup is sometimes like navigating a minefield. No matter how strategic you are with your game plan and no matter how well thought out you are with your execution, you are bound to step on the occasional explosive situation. The reactions and responses that you receive from the women you interact with can vary widely based on a number of reasons. One minute you could be enjoying an amazing conversational connection with a cute girl who seems to find everything you say funny, and the next minute you could be asked to ‘get lost and die’ by an ice-cold hottie.

Rejected Sign
Photo Credit – flickr.com/photos/smemon

Your emotional resilience is your ability to detach yourself from whatever responses you get, good or bad, and insulate your own emotional state from them. Most beginner pickup artistes fall into the pitfall of becoming emotionally dependant on the reactions that they get from women in the field and turn into mood-based pickup artistes. With mood-based pickup artistes, a few good approaches or interactions with women can build up a great deal of momentum until they feel like they are invincible. But just one rejection can make it all crumble and send them on an irreversible downward spiral. This is because they have let their self-esteem and sense of self-worth be directly tied with the reactions that they get from women.

The only sure-fire way to overcome this phenomenon and develop emotional resilience is by gaining experience in the field and thereby learning to separate your sense of self-worth from whatever reactions that you get from women.

A few additional tips for developing emotional resilience:

  1. Be aware – It’s important to understand that your emotions are a chemical reaction that takes place in your brain and is something out of your control. What you can control is your reaction to them. For example, the crippling feeling of approach anxiety that you get isn’t something you can help. What you can help is how you deal with it. You can either let it affect you and chicken out or you can plow through your emotions and make the approach.
  2. Be ego-less – A woman rejecting you isn’t always a reflection on your game. Always remember that the world is much bigger than you and your own ego. A woman who just rejected you could have genuinely been having a bad day because her cat just died or because she got fired from her job.
  3. Have some pride– Remember that just by making the effort to improve your social skills and by putting yourself on the line while testing them you are setting yourself apart from the majority of other men around you.
  4. Have fun with it – Play ‘blow out’ games with your wingman where you deliberately make bad approaches just for the sake of having a laugh.

Jeffy explains how to build resilience in tough times:


His emotional resilience helped him overcome his approach anxiety. 

Related Terms:

Approach Anxiety, Positive Feedback Loop, Blow Out, Brush Off