Our emotions are hardwired into place for our benefit, mostly. Natural selection has secured humans to respond quickly and drastically to physical and emotional pain and seek comfort and safety. This has helped us survive for thousands of years.
The same emotions that allow us to sit on a couch and watch TV because we are comfortable is also the same emotion that helped our ancestors survive when they were in a resource rich territory.
Some people let emotions run their lives – the react to certain events. They react to other people’s emotions and actions, they get carried away. They are forever in a reactive mode.
Strong people tend to have control over stimulus and chosen response. That is, they recognize that certain things cannot be within their circle of influence. However, they can always control how they respond to the circumstance. As such, they are no longer an instrument of their emotions. Rather, they become masters of their own feelings of happiness and contentment.
Routines are used to run game. Often times, the newbie will be relying on feelings from these routines. This creates a cycle of reliance on the material and the act of picking up itself. The master, or the more seasoned, rational guy, will realize that he alone is in control of his emotions, and that any response is irrelevant because his main goal is mastery of this skill. Social “rejection” perhaps is the hardest thing to respond to. Whereas a basketball professional may not react to a missed show, or a sales executive may not react badly to a missed earnings report, rejection from a girl can be overwhelming at first. We seem to have a natural, built in response to rejection with women.
With practice, the veteran artist will realize that this rejection means nothing. He can also train himself to separate the actual event from how he feels about it. In this way, his choice of his feeling is different than that reality of the outcome. Some other artists associate a sense of fun and humor to rejection, which can be entertaining as well.
Controlling our emotions and directing it to go where we want
Often people’s behaviors are governed by their emotions – they are too tired to go to the gym, or too busy to do anything outside of work. Instead, their wills should dictate a pattern, and the emotions they feel will be a derivative of their willful actions. They also choose to accept or ignore certain events and choose to respond to it. Does situation warrant an angry response? Yes, the guy was an asshole. Does this situation warrant me to worry about it? No, my coworker is a bad person, however I am not tied to this and I choose not to react to it in any way.
Did the girl flake on me? Yes, this is the second time. I am deleting her number. I can feel hurt and angry at this, or, I can choose to feel nothing, cut my losses, and focus my emotional energy on meeting new friends and new girls. I also choose to learn and accumulate data (experiences) of girls that flaked, to see if there’s something I am doing to cause this. I take responsibility for my actions, and the things I control in every situation. I am constantly expanding my circle of influence and reacting to them based on my own chosen life priorities. Source
Long term contentment always beats out a short term high. It takes a lot of discipline to just realize this, as most Americans end up watching TV for an average of 3 hours a day. I do not expect people to change after reading this post. However, if you were already looking for a place to change or gather more information on emotional controls, hopefully the advice here will help you.