• Cocky&Funny Openers

    by AlphaWolf & Co.

    After eye contact/ AI:
    “Don’t just look at me and keep walking! I’m not just a piece of meat you know! I have feelings too! Stop and talk to me…”

    ” Don’t waste all that good eye contact! Stop and talk to me.”

    (you say Hi, she says Hi back but keeps moving) ” Don’t let a friendly HI go to waste! Stop and talk to me.”

    “Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?”

    (Catching her looking) “Hi, I just couldn’t help noticing you…(pause)… STARING at me!” (let sink in) ” Do you always maintain such strong eye contact? Or only with guys like me that you can’t help it with?”

    Women’s weird styles are easy targets for cocky & funny openers/ comments.

    For slit skirts or pants:

    “You POOR THING! Your pants/ skirt is all ripped up the side/ back!! You look like you were attacked by a Yorkie! Come on, we gotta get you new clothes!” (grab arm) “The Salvation

    Army is this way…” (Acting bitchy?) “Or maybe you need a rabies shot! Look how mean you’re getting!” (denies) “Ok, well if I see you start foaming at the mouth I’m calling an ambulance”.

    “I’ll bet you only shaved one leg to wear that skirt…or did you shave both legs? Prove it! Is your other leg as sexy as this one?” (Get her to let you feel/ caress other leg to make sure it’s shaved)

    For one-sided tank tops or one-sided long-sleeve tops:

    “You POOR THING! You’re too poor to afford the FULL shirt! Do you want a dollar or something? We gotta get you a real shirt! Come on I’m taking you shopping at Wal-Mart” (grab arm)

    For one-sided long-sleeve tops:

    “Oh my God! Your shirt is missing a sleeve. It looks like you were taken down by a police dog!”

    For Von Dutch-style trucker caps:

    “Hey, I like your hat…Let me guess, you’re a long-haul trucker.” For shoes:

    “Those are some pretty tall shoes. You must be like what, 4 foot 7 without them?”

    “Hey, those are nice shoes. (pause) Some homeless kid must be running around barefoot right now!”

    For animal print clothes:

    “Hey, do you know how many (leopards/ tigers/ etc) had to die for that (shirt/ skirt/ etc)?? The animal rights people will have your ass.” For a woman wearing leather skirt or high boots:

    “You’re wearing a leather skirt/ boots! Some POOR cow had to die so you could show off your legs!”

    For accessories:

    ” Those are some pretty earrings. I didn’t know toy stores sold earrings like that!”

    ” What a cute ring (or watch or whatever)! Did you get that with the kids meal at McDonalds?”

    “Wow, that’s a huge purse. You don’t have some little dog named Precious in there, do you?”

    “So what’s with the big purse, are you carrying a gun in there?”

    (After labor day, and she’s wearing white) “Hey, you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day! I’m gonna call the fashion police on you! What’s your name, I’m gonna report you right now.” (if she resists) “Come on, what’s your name? You can’t run from the law, sooner or later they’ll catch you.” (later) Well you better go see the fashion police anyway, you know, do the right thing and turn yourself in. Just don’t show up in bell-bottoms, you’ll get more charges laid against you.”

    If she has a spot or stain on her clothes:

    Point it out and say “What’s the matter with you? Don’t you know how to do laundry??”

    For a woman with her roots showing:

    “Wow, how do you dye only the roots that dark color? That takes a lot of skill!”

    For a general clothing opener (also gives you time to think of something about her clothing to bust on her about): Smile and say ” Congratulations!” She’ll say “For what?” Rip on her about her clothing, like “That’s the skimpiest outfit I’ve seen all day” or “You make more noise walking in those shoes than anyone else”.

    Accusing her of common guy behavior is a great approach.

    (Bumps into you) “Hey WHOA…hands off the merchandise!” (pause) “You know what, you’re cute, I changed my mind…just don’t touch the hot spots, OK? Try to control yourself until we get to know each other a little more” .

    (Bumps into you and says sorry) “It’s ok. I know you were just trying to pick me up. You know, if you want to meet me all you have to do is say hi…you don’t have to physically hit me.” (haha) “I mean it, that’s my WEAK arm you bumped into”.

    (Woman walking behind you) “Stop following me, I’m getting that stalker vibe from you!” (pause while she snaps out of her likely daydreaming) “And stop staring at my ass!” (I wasn’t looking at your ass!) “Come on, I can feel your eyes burning a hole in the back of my pants!

    You can take a snapshot of it for $4.99…as long as it’s for your personal enjoyment. Don’t show it to all your friends.”

    (Woman walking behind you or standing behind you) “Hey are you staring at my ass??”

    (Woman walking behind you) “Hey are you stalking me? I’m so tired of hot women following me around all day, it gets annoying.”

    funny-cat-scared-meme

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