It’s basically a known fact that once you become a celebrity, people are going to dig through your trash cans at night while you sleep. If you’re really, really lucky, those people will just be deranged stalker fans who want to wear your discarded Q-tips like a tribal finger bone necklace, at least until they can get a hold of your actual finger bones, or decent replicas found on eBay. If you’re NOT lucky, however, those psychos will be paparazzi who want to dig up really great dirt on you to print on their blogs. Dirt like your pedigree.
Yes, your pedigree. Once you become famous, it’s like we all have this burning need to know exactly what magical United Nations combination made the perfection that is you. Oh, you’re one third Irish, two-eights Samoan, and a pinch of Kenyan? Hot damn! We need to know these things!
So here for your voyeuristic (and possibly paranoid) viewing pleasure is a nowhere-near-comprehensive list of celebrities whom you might not know are actually just a smidge Asian:
1,Mark Paul Gosselaar (yup, Zack from Saved By The Bell, or as we like to call him, the “Whitest Kid in America circa 1991″…and I refuse to hyphenate Mark Paul because that’s just stupid)
2. Vanessa Anne Hudgens (who actually let Disney Channel convince preteens that she was all Hispanic for at least three movies and a couple of cameos)
3. The Rock (I don’t care what you say, I just turned Asian-only for this guy, and on some level, you know you did, too)
4. Enrique Iglesias (oops…NOT fully Latino, but who cares? Have you seen this guy without a shirt?)
5. Eddie Van Halen (shut up, he IS Asian…Google it, mofo!)
6. Freddie Mercury (we forgive you for not knowing that, the eyeliner kind of threw us for a loop, too)
7. Bruno Mars (yup)
8. Kirk Hammett (c’mon, you know who he is…Metallica???)
9. Norah Jones (India is in Asia, after all)
10. Ben Kingsley (I mean, he is a dead ringer for Gandhi…even the studios thought so)
This list is in no way comprehensive, it’s just all I could come up with by Googling “closet Asians” on my prepaid cell phone. Feel free to add to it, but I don’t care what you say…no one, Asian or otherwise, is hotter than The Rock.