• Beta Male Shaming

    by AlphaWolf & Co.

    Quick Definition: The tendency of women (and sometimes men) to shame a provider-type or beta male if he steps too far from the confines of his more provider-type flirting style.

    *PUA Lingo does not endorse or support the use of these terms. We strive to describe them the best we can based on the seduction community’s uses for them in improving men’s (and some women’s) dating lives.

    Full Definition:

    Women hold the provider male / beta male to a different standard of conduct, sometimes subconsciously, for their own genetic reasons. They need these guys to be able to provide for them and therefore cannot reveal her true sexual nature for fear of being judged and having the resources taken away from her.

    As Owen says in the video, sometimes other guys will beta male shame the guy too. To test his resolve. I remember one time I was talking to a girl model and she says I forgot her name. Another guy model was making fun of me “oh no! game over!”. I ignored him and looked at the girl. I knew we had a connection. So I continued. He kept on heckling, but eventually she opened up. “Oh yeah, I remember you, and your mom,” I said. Other gilrs around me at first felt embarrassed, and looked or moved away. But as I stayed the course, my behavior exemplified that I was an alpha male. I don’t respond to hecklers or beta threats. This was a battle that needed to be won in order to become alpha.

    I realized at this point that women respond to alpha behavior through tests, and also observing the tests of others. If you fail a test, it is best to move on to a new girl, because her impression of you is unlikely to change short-term.

    Beta male shaming also has its counter-part, Slut Shaming, and in many ways slut shaming is a lot more severe and has negative social consequences of greater significant than beta-male shaming. After all, a beta male can always progress into an alpha, but once a girl is slut shamed, it can last for her whole life. Being able to pierce the social veil allows the alpha to see the true nature of women as they are, not as society paints them to be.


    alpha male reality vs. beta male reality

    Featured image:


    Usage: She’s just beta-male shaming you because she has an impression of you as a provider now.

    Related Terms: Slut Shaming, ASD, LMR, Beta, Alpha Male, AMOG, AFOG, Cock Block

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    Debra May 17, 2014 - 11:32 pm

    Some women are attracted to the bad boy type that are fun, but not so fun in a relationship. The more sophisticated female treats a relationship like a business deal. She goes more for the conservative type. The trick is to find a little bit of both in the same man. The game playing replicated here is disgusting to me, and the way the man is talking is tasteless, even for an experiment. I think it is over-analyzing and degrades women.

    Alpha June 2, 2014 - 2:43 pm

    Of course you do honey. By calling it degrading, your actually “beta-male shaming” any man who read your comment. You sly troublemaker. ;]

    brian ski May 17, 2014 - 11:34 pm

    Interesting. Ive always maintained the Alpha exterior and followed the protocols. I only show a bit of beta once in a great while.

    Christopher Loyd May 18, 2014 - 1:22 am

    I have been the beta male before. I was taking this girl around and stuff while another guy was the guy she called for the sexual things. I guess he was the Alpha male. It sucked why he get to hit that and not me I guess I did the wrong approach.

    alexander alvarez May 18, 2014 - 4:18 am

    It’s interesting that you point out the double standard of men being able to get beyond the beta-male shaming while for women, the slut-shaming sticks with them for life. It doesn’t seem to be a very fair dynamic for women as men are often even more promiscuous than women.

    fushiisubanu May 18, 2014 - 6:31 am

    Why is slut shaming worse than beta male shaming? It’s always women that get shamed more than males for particular things

    Mona May 18, 2014 - 6:46 am

    Very interesting set of observations. It’s actually sad and pathetic to “shame” the beta male. After all, that’s the one these girls will choose to marry (once they grow up, that is).

    Chris W. May 18, 2014 - 9:12 am

    I have known both alpha and beta males. I think that each type has its positive points. While the alpha male tends to be a better provider, the beta male tends to be more compassionate and tender.

    Kandy Ross May 18, 2014 - 9:22 am

    I have to admit, I love a beta male. What chick doesn’t want a good male provider to take care of her. I dont usually shame him though, I just let him play the role, and i find most men are comfortable with it.

    Caroline May 18, 2014 - 10:54 am

    I have been trying to tell guys about this for the last 20 years! Great insight. Women DO play games at the beginning and if you can’t pass them… so long, sucker.

    Candice Vega May 18, 2014 - 11:05 am

    Wow, as a female I have to say I agree with everything in this article & the video. I have had millions of my guy friends be the beta male before and how much they wished they were the Alpha male instead. Great article!

    Sandra May 27, 2014 - 9:37 pm

    That’s funny, because, actually, an alpha male IS a good provider. The “player” is the beta, because he needs to put on a show, be fake, lie, manipulate, “prove himself,” preen like a peacock, etc in order to feel and look cool. Can you think of *anything* LESS masculine?!

    Every human being has two energies: masculine energy and feminine energy. Most women have more feminine energy and most men have more masculine energy. However, people sometimes don’t live completely in their dominant energy. Women are afraid of men, are told to be more aggressive professionally, etc, and so many tend shut down their feminine energy and develop their masculine more. And men these days are definitely indulging in their feminine energy more and more.

    The PUA community is one big circle jerk of men indulging in feminine energy. If you think about it: feminine energy relies on looking to others for approval and social signs, it overanalyzes – particularly someone’s emotions, reactions, etc, it is full of gossip, scheming, and manipulation, it is full of vanity, of “how do I look?” “do they like me?” “will doing this or wearing that make them like me more?” etc. Masculine energy is about getting stuff done, it’s about protecting and defending, it’s about fighting when need be, it’s about putting emotions on hold in order to find a solution; it’s less about social approval and more about achieving a goal.

    So, a masculine man (i.e. and alpha male) is going to be too busy going after his goals, not caring what others think because that would slow him down, and not wasting time trying to get social and personal validation by sleeping with as many random women as he can. A masculine man will want a feminine woman who is on the same page as he is and who provides value to his life.

    Real men (aka alpha males) could give two shits less about what other people think of them. Alpha males are too busy pursing a worthy goal (i.e. career vs. pussy) to worry about tips and tricks to bed a woman. And alpha males respect themselves too damn much to stoop to making up stories, lies, and manipulations in order “to get laid.” Alphas refuse to be anyone but themselves, and that’s why they attract women: because they are genuine, and so they command respect. Incidentally, they also attract genuine women who are feminine.

    It’s the beta males who are so obsessed with getting pussy and with how everyone views them and have this obsessive need for validation that they come up with elaborate manipulative schemes on how to trick a women into sleeping with them.

    My boyfriend is an alpha male. Do you think, when we met, he was out in the clubs every week, trying the latest gimmick to woo women? Not a chance. He doesn’t have time for that. He’s too busy getting something done that is of tangible value and which he is truly passionate about: building his professional empire. He wants a woman to be loyal to him, someone who will support him and be there for him, someone he can confide in.

    The alpha males are rarely the “bad boy players” simply because they have much more important things going on in their lives. A man needs a goal in his life, and getting pussy is a pretty pathetic goal.

    When you guys start to understand that the “providers” are the alpha males and the “players” are the beta males, I think you may start leading happier, more fulfilling lives – professionally, socially, and romantically. That is, unless you are just 100% betas to the core.

    alphawolf May 27, 2014 - 10:27 pm

    wow that was deep thanks for the comment

    Just A Guy May 28, 2014 - 11:21 am

    Sandra has hit the nail right on the head, except for one thing. The idea that an alpha male must be “building up his career,” i.e. making himself wealthy, in order to become an alpha male. Sorry, that’s just bullshit. I consider myself an alpha male, and I never gave a tinker’s damn for being rich. We have about 75 or 80 years on this earth, if nothing kills you sooner, and being obsessed with being rich is a fool’s errand, exactly the same thing as hitting the clubs every weekend looking to get laid. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME. In my life, I have been a skateboarder, bicycle racer, surfer and motorcyclist. I opposed the war in Vietnam vehemently and demonstrated scores of times, then joined the Marine Corps once that stupid shit war was over, and served four years in the infantry. While in the Marines, I surfed California and learned to scuba dive. I am an avid shooter and hunter. I backpacked, hitchhiked, and rode freight trains during the 1970’s all over the U.S., Canada and Mexico. I rebuilt several trucks and still do some of my own mechanic work. Currently I’m slowly building a 1995 Jeep Cherokee into a rock crawler. I went to college, first to art school (waste of time) then to machinist school (got an AA degree) and finally to nursing school. I am a psychiatric nurse, and I make about $76,000 a year—no great shakes, but it keeps a roof over our heads.
    I met my wife while I was serving in the Marines. She was a scuba diver, so I went to scuba school and got certified. We both have worked a bunch of jobs, and we have lived in various places, usually out in the boondocks. In 1989 we moved to Houston and raised our daughter. I’ve been blessed with a wonderful wife and a talented, beautiful daughter. It’s been a great life, and we had plenty of adventures along the way. My wife “retired” about ten years ago. She stays home and does whatever she pleases, and I will be retired in a couple of years. When I do, I think I’m going back to living in the wild.

    I never had a lack of feminine companionship, and until I met my wife, I had a series of monogamous relationships. I guess you’d call it “serial monogamy.” I’d stay with a woman as long as we still cared about each other. Sometimes I’d leave because I wanted to go ride trains or go take a backpacking trip somewhere, sometimes we’d just get bored with each other. When I met my wife, I decided to settle down. I wasn’t getting any younger, and I wanted to father a kid. The stars aligned, I guess and we fell in love. That was 37 years ago, and I have been faithful that entire time. A man who has a family has responsibility. I went to work every day and brought home the bacon. It’s a lot easier to do that with a college education. Guys who are trying to “get laid” are pathetic. If you’re living your life right you don’t have to try, it just becomes a natural part of life. Women are attracted to guys that are physically fit, competent and confident. I think the only thing I regret is that I never tried skydiving. I could still do it, but it just wouldn’t be the same somehow. A long time ago, I read a line by the actor Steve McQueen that I tried to make my motto: “I’d rather wake up in the middle of nowhere than in any city on earth.” Amen to that. Steve McQueen was a no B.S. alpha male, and I did my best to follow his trail.


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