• Approach Anxiety (AA)

    by AlphaWolf & Co.

    Quick Definition: The fear that arises when doing a cold approach on a woman or group of women (or group of strangers, including men).

    Full Definition:

    Nearly every man has a fear of making the initial approach. This fear is often attributed to an evolutionary survival mechanism that arose from living in tribal communities of less than 50 people, where approaching the wrong woman could mean genetic suicide.

    Nowadays, it can also be based on other factors such as poor past experiences with women, shyness, and a cultural feeling of inappropriateness when approaching strangers. AA is reduced with lots of practice and the knowledge that you have a solid strategy.

    The fear never really goes away, according to most mPUAs. Juggler says, “that is a good thing. You have something to live for, to fear and conquer. The day you no longer feel fear during an approach, is the day you need to find something else to do that has enough meaning to cause fear in you.”


    I had some serious AA before I opened the set, but I felt a lot better once the set hooked.

    Related Terms: Anti-AI, IOI, Approach Invitation, 3 Second Rule, Hook Point, C&B

    Related Links:

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    AFC December 30, 2009 - 9:19 am

    “Nearly every man has a fear of making the initial approach. This fear is often attributed to an evolutionary survival mechanism that arose from living in tribal communities of less than 50 people where approaching the wrong woman could mean genetic suicide.”

    As in getting killed for it or something?

    alphawolf December 30, 2009 - 11:36 am

    Yes. In the tribal communities, it means social suicide, which results in genetic suicide. This is why for some guys, approaching a HB is harder than, say, jumping into a steel cage with sharks swimming around in the water. Things have since changed, we no longer live in 50 people tribes, there are millions of girls everywhere, so this fear, as real as it is, is illogical.

    Michael January 3, 2010 - 1:30 am

    yeah I had the hardest time figuring out why i trip balls when i approach girls, even though naturally i’m very confident approaching anyone that i dont have the intent of dating.

    Matrix January 25, 2010 - 7:46 pm

    yeah, AA is rooted in biological evolution. Our emotional circuitry could not keep up with the speed of societal evolution

    Chris @ SeductionHQ February 16, 2010 - 10:42 pm

    Yeah… it can be pretty tough, but you can improve the results of your approaches by a lot. This will help you build approach confidence, which will eventually help you get rid of approach anxiety for good.

    Approach Anxiety Destroyer March 11, 2010 - 1:26 pm

    I find just automatically saying hi to anyone that gets within 3 feet of me reduces my approach anxiety over time! Great Article!!

    Johny May 2, 2010 - 1:43 am

    I did approach a couple of women with my friends this couple of days and it’s easier to approach when you are with your friends it’s more exciting and a lot more fun.Right now i agree with you if we lose the fear of approaching then it wont be interesting and exciting it will be boring

    kaide73 June 13, 2010 - 10:47 pm

    I think this mind-trick alleviates my AA very much: I just think about these facts sometimes and especially right before I approach: One of my hobbies is collecting autographs of celebrities. It has never been difficult for me to go to some celebrity and ask his or her autograph. Celebrities are just people, after all. So, why on earth it would be any more difficult to go to some girl and start talking to her? Of course, I also need to have some opener and other routines in my mind, so I really have something to say.

    Also participating storytelling-night (AKA Cuentacuentos) is good thing: I learn to perform my story I am going to use during storytelling phase of my pickup. On the other hand, if I really dare to tell my stories or otherwise perform in front of audience, then talking in front of some girl is just a piece of cake.

    BTW I have heard, that also doing stand-up comic as hobby for a while is good for learning pickup, but I haven’t done it, yet.

    kaide73 June 14, 2010 - 10:23 am

    Pardon my English. It is ”Stand-up comedy”.

    kaide73 December 5, 2010 - 11:20 pm

    I have found some funny stuff, that works against the AA and also otherwise helps me to keep right attitude during my pick-up:

    I must watch this video sometimes, especially every time before I go out in order to pick up some girls. I’m sure that if I keep that attitude especially during my pickup, lots of pussy will come through all my doors and windows. :-)


    And if I ever happen to have some approach anxiety during my pickup, all I need to do is to remember that video and it makes me smile. Then I say to myself: “Naaah! I don’t give a fuck! And by the way: I am a sexy motherfucker!” After that I can very easily just go and start picking up that girl. Done that, been there!

    Alfonso Soriano February 11, 2011 - 4:58 pm

    haha approach anxiety… who doesn’t have it. i feel like even some of the best of the best out there have approach anxiety. but i wish you didn’t have to deal with the nerves that go along with approaching a girl. i hear that an aspirin or two could really calm you down so you don’t have that feeling. there’s even an approach anxiety pill now called a2x approach anxiety exterminator. i think either one might be worth a try

    Stevekins October 2, 2011 - 11:47 pm

    Its better to learn to approach a girl [email protected] takin pills,cox d pills do hav an systemic health effect.
    try 2c d girl u approaching as ur closest pal, who u want to hav a fun tym wit as usual.

    Kilgore Jr. February 2, 2012 - 1:51 am

    Do you speak English, asswipe?

    AlphaWolf May 19, 2012 - 10:03 am


    Supercoolguy May 18, 2012 - 9:15 pm


    What is the video suppose to demonstrate??? The girls just look at them like: wth?-weird? oh-well?


    AlphaWolf May 19, 2012 - 10:03 am

    That it doesn’t matter if girls (or anyone) looks at you weird. It has no significant or consequence 99.99% of the time

    Supercoolguy May 19, 2012 - 10:11 am

    Whats to be gained? Wait, Think i know: That Ill be OK no matter what!

    I do like the laughableness of it. I thought of my own now.

    Jely May 21, 2012 - 11:51 am

    I like the beginning of the video.. put yourself into a situation with no other motive aside from reducing AA. There shouldn’t be any AA because you don’t have attraction on the mind.. and you grow. I like it.

    Any similar vids made in the UK?

    Supercoolguy May 22, 2012 - 7:49 pm

    “There better not be any last minute Resistance” HAHahhahaaaa…

    Girls MUST like that.

    Does that Jesus chick carry that shit around as a “Deterrent Statement”

    Heres some of my fav DS: “I have to baby-sit the kids”

    “Theres this one guy I like…” “I have a really bad cold/cough”

    anthony January 16, 2013 - 5:35 pm

    If done enough, approach anxiety soon turns into approach excitment !!! Hang in there!!


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