Context: Mystery tries to help out a guy who’s lonely and struggling via this long post on the old forums
[email protected] wrote>I spoke to you about moving to a new area, and having struggles with being lonely.
Emotions are preprogrammed behavioral modifiers hardwired into your brain through 120,000 years of natural selection in human evolution. It is in fact THESE built in motivators (called emotions) that assisted millions of people before you to live long enough and motivate these ancestors to mate. In other words, instead of looking at emotions as limiters, look at them as indicators telling you what your body believes is MOST IMPORTANT to you. Eg: If you ancestors didnt have HUNGER, they would have increased their chance of dying. And so the humans with the HUNGER gene would have an evolutionary advantage and replicate more, giving off more HUNGER gene babies than the non-HUNGER gene babies who many times died sooner.
Thousands and thousands of years of this have build a survival machine that, while not perfect, is pretty damned well calibrated to assist you with your survival and replicating.
So, when you are lonely, this is a strong indicator that something must change. We like to sometimes simply WISH the emotions away because they dont feel good. Some people even TRY to do that. They will take drugs or meditate or talk themselves into thinking that they hate girls because you feel so bad when you think about them (tal has been through this last one). Thing is, notice how this emotion will motivate you to get the fuck out of your house for a change? If you are lonely, this is a great sign that your body and your mind (these are not two separate things as your brain is a part of your body) are functioning properly and it is telling you (like HUNGER) that you will increase your selfish gene’s chance of survival (by replicating) if you get out and hunt. Being horny is another one that we try to satiate by masterbating to net porn. Thing is, imagine if you DIDNT masterbate again until you got a girlfriend. Can you imagine the MOTIVATION you would have to get laid? Your body would make you go out every DAY and try to get some.
SO how do we use these two emotions to motivate us in proper ways? Use your reasoning to prioritize what is important to you in a global lifelong perspective. Im sure you will find that having a woman (or more) to hold and love and love you back is very much a needed and wanted thing. We are ants in a colony of 7 billion. Sure, an ant can live in a segregated ant farm all by itself. But it wasnt ‘designed’ to. The enviroment its best suited for is WITHIN it’s social collective. See? Humans too are not designed to live in a lonesome enviroment. We werent for the past 120,000 years living in a box. Our enviroment INCLUDED other humans and we adapted motivators to deal with others. So when you get these emotions, reason on HOW you can satiate them properly and with focus instead of detours and denials. Disciplined focus. Lonely? Good. build a plan.
Plan to get out into the public 4 or 5 days a week. Go out ALONE if you cant bring a pick-up buddy. You shouldnt go out with friends who want to always hang with you and not pick up girls. Find a friend who wants to get a mate out there too. Its this friend is a girl, great. You will look even cooler. But if worse comes to worse, go out alone. When I went to a new city to live, I had to go out alone. There is NOTHING WRONG with this. This isnt a loser thing, this is in fact a FUCKING COOL thing. A guy confident enough to get out alone and stir up some trouble is cool. While out there you will make some guy friends who hold the same goals as you (in fact EVERY MAN, at some point in his life will wish to fuck a girl you know. Its not a bad thing. Its not a dirty thing. Its not a selfish thing. Its natural. Its behavioral. Its human nature.) Going out 4 or 5 times a day and exploring WHERE girls are in a systematic way. You will use your LOGIC for this. Reason out where they are. Whats good on a tuesday? mondays? fri and sat nite is always good somewhere but tuesday nite places are harder to find. Since youll be going out 4 or 5 days a week and entering into the antfarm collective on a regular basis, this lonely feeling will dissipate a bit. A very good start and a needed bandaid. See, if too many of these emotional indicators (behavioral motivators) are triggered, we call that stress. Your body has asked you to relieve your stress. Go out and approach women. The stress will begin to dissipate.
This is where it gets tricky. There is another internal hardwired motivator circuit that ‘seems’ to get in the way. It seems to contradict the first emotion (see our internal motivator circuits are very well calibrated to the dynamics of social life – you are a fucking fined tuned engine – these emotions will indicate to you what is most important whenever it gets in a situation it KNOWS (through years of natural selection) is important to your genes’ survival. So when you meet a girl that is ugly, nothing happens. You can walk up and say shit easily because you have nothing to lose. (In fact, because this is so easy, I suggest meeting lots of ugly women to start your day because it gets you rolling and you can always make friends – they might have a sister or a party to invite you to) . But when a beautiful girl is near, your brain will give you a STATE-CHANGE. A state is an emotional state like lonely or anger or HORNY. This horny state is really a painful bitch to deal with. This is what all the pick up artists talk about when they discuss STATE-CHANGES. When you watch titanic, even though its all fake it can make us cry. That is a state change. And just by SEEING a pretty girl you have a STATE-CHANGE. Now, this state isnt really horniess. Horny is when you have a boner. If you dont have an erection, the state isnt horny. Its some other state and Im not even sure what to call it. We could call it AQUIRED or LOCKED-ON or even better AWARE. When she is there and you want to talk to her you are MORE than nervous, you are AWARE. Pulse quickens, I personally feels a wonderful sensation of butterflies in my stomach (still to this day – even yesterday when I met Tat) and your mind races for ‘things to say’. Right?
Imagine this: if you could CONTROL the two emotions LONELY and AWARE, if you could become MASTER of these and HARNESS their power, like the way you have mastered hunger, do you think you would be able to ‘fill your stomach’? I swear to all of you, I am a pretty rational guy. I am guided by reason and humanity and not by mythical being or forces. Im 26 and Im not a horny asshole player. I love life and care for people and have close friends and think things through. There was a time I couldnt ‘GET’ girls. I had such a low self-esteem and I was 20 before I had my first kiss. Or was I 21? fuck, anyway … so I snapped. I thought, “Dude, you’ve got to get GOOD at this. This is too stressful. This seems like a very important thing to solve.” I figured that I could hope that a relationship would drop in my lap and I wouldnt ever have to deal with getting good at picking up girls. I considered how if I already had a girl Id be happy and wouldnt have to chase. But then I thought, “NO! I have to MASTER this for a LIFETIME. Im not going to marry the first girl I meet. That isnt realistic? Im young, I cant KEEP a girlfriend when I dont know anything about them. Prioritize your needs and values. Put girls up there with sleep and food and stop abstaining from things that should be in your life as matter of fact.
I just got an ICQ message from a friend now >>i’ve discovered today a new place to find girls…. =) ANY pet store! HOLY CRAP i walk in and i was surronded. I asked the person working there if u could hold a little black puppy, she hands it to me and these girls all flock around me =)
Cool, that I think is a VERY good place to hang out – you’ll have to come up with a really good sequence of interactive scripting to initiate with the girls so your approach has context. Something like, “Isnt he cute? What would you name him if he was yours? He looks like a George … or maybe a herman. What would you name ME if you brought me home. If I followed you home, would you keep me?” Something along those lines. Tell her youve been working on your puppy dog eyes and ask her to critique them.
ICQ GUY>>well nothing much since i had to leave fast… but basicly i walked in and picked up the cutest puppy… then i taked with 3 hot girls about how much i wanted to PLAY with it and HUG it and so on… PLus i smiled and handed to a couple of them… One of them though i was so sweet since i said that when i got enough money i was going to buy it… Yea! hehe but they were all like 22-28 years old.. none of them would ahve looked at me twice in the going out sense… oh well. It was a cheap thrill while it lasted =P
Yeah, ICQ guy is a teenager who is 16 and I suggested to him to chase collage girls becasue he is Tal’s cousin and I met him and I know he can get away with picking up 18 year olds. Consider the above scripting outlines the next time yo ugo in there ICQ guy.
[email protected] wrote>I used to be able to approach women and chat them up, ok it was nerve wracking but i made my self do it because i was so very very lonely and i wanted a girl.
Yep, I hear ya buddy. This state change, like I said, is a bitch. You are lonely and so you go out and attempt to meet girls. Then when you see her, this invisible barrier in your head, this state change erects itself between you and her.
BTW: The ICQ guy is Shadowhawk, he’s posted here before. Too bad we didnt have more trust between us pick up guys, we could post picks of ourselves to see what we are dealing with and we could cater our focus on our image as well. Very important. Maybe post our pics in alt.romance and privat email our pick up friends to look at those posts. That way there is no PROOF of the pics being us, but by the natural look of the pics, we could believe they are real. I dont know, just a thought.
OK – whats the DEAL with the AWARE state? This nervousness when approaching a girl? This horniness. This IMPORTANCE? Well, if you succumb to it and approach her as IF you are nervous and very AWARE and act like she is SO IMPORTANT, this indicates that you do not surround yourself with beautiful women. If on the other hand you dont take her shit, give her some NEG HITS (learn about those in other posts) you will SEEM like you dont HAVE this state change. See, if she is beautiful, she must deal EVERYDAY with the fact that men snap into this AWARE state and they all act the same.
Shadowhawk>>okay… heres something i’ve been thinking about… If i finaly get a girl… and it’s about to happen, what the hell do i do? I mean… i don’t wanna get aids and shit. Do i ask her?
Yes, of course. Talk about it. Make her your friend. If not your BEST friend. Establish that CONNECTION where you two can talk about EVERYTHING. Promise yourself NOT to go out with younger. Tell the girl this is your personal standard and this will make you seem high quality. Where a condom. In fact, get mom to buy you a 3 pack. Carry at least one on you (its more symbolic right now I think) but not in your wallet as it can wear from plastic bubble? Put it in there (the small one) and this will make you think about sex as fun, which it should be and not scary. Its just a girl, hopefully an older one, and be carrying it, ONE: you are prepared and TWO: it motivated you to use it.
YES. Get you mom to buy you them. Tell her that you’ve been thinking about sex (you ARE 16) and you are thiking about the WHAT IF scenario. This way you can set up your parents for the future when it really happens. You will want to bring girls home and parents will OBJECT BIGTIME if you dont discuss your fears with them. Ha, they will feel weird about talking to you about it so this is an advantage to your setting up the rules. Tal brought a girl home when he was 15 and his mom caught them in bed in the morning.
Ok, back to this invisible barrier: the AWARE state. You cant IGNORE it because fuck its a strong state, but what you CAN do is HIDE it. Ever have a headach and you just didnt bother telling anyone? They didnt know what you felt, did they? Well, if you HIDE the fact that your AWARE state is in full blown ON position, and pretend like you dont have this with them (NEG HIT them in a fun way) they will see you as hard to get and different and they will try to make you like all the rest. They will in fact chase YOU! That’s it. That is the psychological switch that makes what I do work so well. Its is in fact the biggest secret going in picking up girls. I did it yesterday to a girl. She BEGGED for my #. In my mind Im thinking, “oh god I want her.” Fuck, I approached HER. She had me BEFORE hello. But I made her work to get me. Only a man of quality would make that happen. In fact,
Ive been tricking this for so long that Im starting to think that maybe I AM a man of quality – this is a subject Ill contemplate with my self-esteem.
So to conclude my ramblings, LONELY is good. solution. Dress up and get out. Get out 4 or 5 days a week and get into public gatherings for at least 2 hour sets if not more. No more than 4 (10pm to 2am) . Secondly, AWARE state is good. Solution? since she doenst KNOW you have this, you must HIDE this fact and behave AS IF you didnt have this. You will be considered different and trhe NEG HITS will in fact intrigue her making her think you must hang with lots of beautiful girls if you can treat a 9 or a 10 like a friend and not a BABE.
YOU: “Can I buy you a drink?”
HER: “Yes, thanks. Now fuck off!!”
Shadow Hawk>>i was out last night and today driving around town exploring… looking for place’s to go and find people. NO WHERE that i can go! i meant the only place i can go is skewl and the mall. And at the mall it’s not good cuz the only girls there are the others with their boyfriends, mothers or just aren’t there hehe. Tere was one group of girls but when i approached them (they were older) they looked at me and grined a (Awww thats so cute) look..
Yep, solution? Ask girls how THEY solve this problem. Walk up to them and say. “Im single. Im not hitting on any of you. Im thinking more long term here. I cant find places where there are girls. Where are they? This place seems dead.” Be sincere and honest. They will tell you.
The best way to find out something …. ASK.