#1. Seek to understand first, then to be understood
This one is self explanatory, and allows you to make good friends, even with girls. Not all girls are honest, but in expressing honesty yourself and openness, you give other people a chance to open up to you. Without this, no one can open up to you. Eventually you will meet a guy, or girl, who opens up in a way that creates a good bond.
In nightclub situations, talking about yourself first helps to put the other person at ease. The girl will follow the guy’s lead, usually, if he is congruent enough.
#2. Give (value) first before you receive
Instead of viewing the game as a winner takes all experience, view it as a giving value experience. You’re here to help others feel good about themselves and have good emotions. You’re a professional good emotions booster. Think of yourself as a comedian, or a good friend, or a stand up guy. These ideals help you move towards the person you want to become.
When you seek nothing, then any potential rewards are just more positive experiences, instead of feeling entitled or feeling like you expect something from someone.
#3. What gets measured, gets managed
Start measuring your sets, recording your audio, or have a friend film your approach. Seeing yourself in 3D and with proof blasts away any blind spots or excuses one may have about the game. I see guys making the same mistakes for years. If you adhere to a numbers-driven, data-driven method, you will improve.
Trying to be financially responsible? Measure your weekly or monthly income vs. expenses, and you will start to see a pattern. Studies have shown that those who check and manage their financial statements at least twice a month are much more financially well-off than those who do so less frequently.
#4. Process over outcome
Focus on the process and learning each skill-set, over the specific outcome of one particular night. Over time, yes, your results do matter, if things are going nowhere, you need to examine the real reasons as to why. However, have patience, and focus on your process. With a solid process in place with the right levers, you are guaranteed to have results.
#5. Embrace good pain and good fear
Change is never a matter of resources, but always a matter of motivation – Tony Robbins
Short term comfort = long term pain. Too tired to go out? Too lazy to get a healthy meal instead of a unhealthy one at McDonald’s? These little decisions add up to the trajectory of your life. Do not let losers influence you, they are people and they have a right to their life decisions and perogatives. See them as just people. Or, if you’re more like me and sometimes have to deal with being annoyed at them, save your anger and view them as pawns – pawns that are the most loyal are the ones you treat as most human will fight hardest for you. They are your troops in the battle towards your ambitions.
When I was visiting San Francisco, I realized that my natural state is that of a leader, and in traveling and experiencing new things, my mind isn’t able to rest and instead moves extremely quickly. The high level of endorphin make me think more consciously about the world and my life and I reach a new state that is pure and addictive. This can only come from a little bit of good fear, and the ability to step out of my comfort zone time and again.
#6. Never take rejection too personally
You can never know the other person’s life or their worldviews without talking to them, so any approach has a chance of being rejected. So what? Accept humiliation, but point is, no rumination – thinking about it over and over again and making it worse than it is. See things as they are. No better, no worse. Truth is, most “rejections” don’t matter because you will never see her again, and all you need is ONE. One girl who finds you attractive. I’ve seen guys in wheelchairs who get girls to like them, because they’ve found someone who does and they don’t give up.
You defining your own success – what is “success” to you? Success may be getting rejected by 3 girls! Other people do not determine your success, you do.
#7. Win the war without a fight (or just appear to do so to the public)
Remaining unaffected by negative outcomes as well as positive ones (it is ok to feel good, but don’t let it go to your ego. Do your best – try to decipher obvious mistakes and calibrate with real data. Don’t dwell on details – she could have rejected you for any number of irrational reasons. Kanye West recently touched upon the idea of “fighting and winning”. “I’ve fought many battles and I always win, but Jay-Z, you just see his wins. I’d like to be more like him, where you just see me win, instead of all the fighting and then the win later”. Hugh Hefner is the same way. He doesn’t get twisted in the bad PR and media narrative. He simply wins. When Crystal left him before the wedding, he simply tweeted, “I thought she loved me.” Eventually, she came back and married him, and Hefner, at 83, continues to win the game without seeming like he’s trying at all.