Losers: they’re everywhere.
This applies to both men and women.
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them” (Henry David Thoreau).
But what about girl losers? I’m not talking about the obvious ones. I’m talking about the girls who are “hot” but are still completely losery. As an Artist, you still admire her beauty. But, over time, you start to see the cracks and lose attraction for her. Zan alluded to this in The Alabaster Girl: “A hot girl is beautified, but she’s not necessarily beautiful. True beauty is rare.”
After my last round of dating, I’ve taken a pause in my dating life to reflect on the type of girls I truly want. I realized I’ve been dating some very hot but very loser-type girls. As the end of the day, I need someone who can support me in my conquests, not drag me down with them. This journey requires a steadfast co-pilot. So this post is dedicated to my future sidekick, to let out my inner frustrations at my current pool of dating applicants, and to hopefully help you see the signs of loser mentality in otherwise hot girls.
The following traits are just from my personal observations, and there are always exceptions to the rule. Read at your own risk.
The loser matrix applies to women across the board. A super HOT girl can still be a complete loser. She can look amazing and still have no use or idea of how to leverage that potential. Similarly, a hot girl is not necessarily a beautiful girl. To me, a woman of beauty possess not only the physical trait of a beautiful person but also the heart and embodiment of the female spirit. And, as she gets older, the personification of female energy and charm only grows. So here are the 7 loser traits I’ve noticed that you want to avoid:
Loser Trait #1: She’s got more than 2 kids and under 30 and still single.
Unless they’re twins, it’s always possible to have an accident. But 2 times? This implies a more likely behavior pattern. Usually, low income demographics have a higher chance of having kids when younger, but occasionally you get the very ambitious single mom with a kid from a previous relationship.
At some point, she probably made a mistake in determining whether the guy was right for her, and if this happens twice then there’s a very high probably that her decision making skills are not quite up to par.
Loser Trait #2: She’s been working at a retail store for more than 2 years and complains about her job
Retail jobs are necessary low income type roles. I’ve had one. Most people have at one point or another. But if she’s working a dead-end up and constantly complaining about it, she’s probably not that happy with her situation. People have jobs in transition but if its over 2 years, that means that she’s identified with complaining about her job and not taking action to change the environment she’s in. This applies to all sort of dead-end jobs where a person can’t properly plan over a year to get out of a situation they despise.
This reflects a deeper problem of helplessness, so avoid at all costs.
Loser Trait #3: She’s always out of money, has no car, and can’t take of the basics of food, shelter, clothing and transportation
A girl who’s out of college should at least be able to afford her bills and lifestyle. If she’s over 23 and still doesn’t have all these handled, it shows a personality defect in planning. I understand I may be a little harsh but the truth is trust fund babies also have a huge problem – they don’t know how to survive without money from other people.
You may think hot girls (i.e. Kim Kardashian – I dont think she’s hot but a lot of people do) have it good because they can always marry a guy with money. Well, if you listens to interviews with Kim’s ex-husband, she spends way more than she makes. A woman who can’t respect wealth management and understand the value of money is never a good wife, and she will constantly be value seeking in her behavior if you are friends with her.
Loser Trait #4: She hangs out mostly with guys
I may get a lot of flak for this one, but yes, girls who mostly only hangout with guys are problematic. “Why?” you might ask. Well, a couple of reasons:
a) if a girl is particularly hot, more than 50% of the guys she’s friends with is trying to sleep with her. Unless they grew up together or had some special situation like they’re in a band or they all work together. So really, she’s leveraging a guy’s attraction for her for friendship. This is not healthy on both sides because most guys can’t get laid when they want to (unless he’s a natural or PUA) and therefore both are compromising on what they really want – a true friendship, or sex. Both sides are stuck in the middle where someone wants something from the other person but in reality is seeking someone better.
b) On some level, females who don’t hangout with other females feel like girls play games, and that women are not trustworthy. On some level they see a representation of things they don’t like in other women. Negative female energy is based on jealousy, competition and subtle social cues, but positive female energy can also signify sisterhood, friendship, and a secret society of emotional support and loyalty. Denial of her nature, and her ability to see good in other women, pushes her to seek an easier and perhaps lazy route: just make friends with guys who are a lot “easier”.
c) Every girl should have some fluency in girl-code. Its just attractive to have social charm. Who better to charm a woman than another beautiful woman? Everyone appreciates a girl (or guy) who can charm other girls and people in general.
Loser Trait #5: She spends more time complaining than enjoying your company on more than 1 occasion
People who complain are in some way living in the past. They can’t let go of the situation and move forward. Avoid at all costs. It is possible that she had a very bad day, but a girl who spends the whole date complaining about her life is probably a huge red flag.
Loser Trait #6: She’s always late, or flakey, or can’t plan ahead of time properly
Yes, girls go on their emotions, blah blah pick up theory bullshit. Women have stronger emotional responses that are wired, but that doesn’t mean they can’t plan ahead or make logical decisions. A lot of party girls don’t have this ability and its shows lack of foresight that is, at least to me, deeply annoying.
If you look at the interviews of top models, they are usually extremely organized and they have to exhibit male energy in a professional channel – when is my shoot, how much am I getting paid, how to do complete in a market full of gorgeous women?
If the girl always seems drunk, flakey, or just can’t plan ahead properly, she’s either not that into you, or just disorganized.
Your 20s doesn’t have to be a developmental downtime:
Loser Trait #7: She is a tyrant at work, and completely focused on her job
My Ex-manager was a Harvard Business school grad. People gave her props for her work, but it’s all ass kissing. Talk at the water cooler or away from the office was always on her being tyrant. No one liked her, and she was kindly asked to leave a couple of years back (way after I left, I heard from a friend).
Back in the day, she would treat her workers like slaves, and only smile at her directors. It was obvious and I remember everyone just hated her. One time we were going to the museum (towards the end of the quarter, we blew out our sales numbers) I remember feeling sorry for her. Just for a minute. Her whole life is based on her career, and her boyfriend – well – I feel bad that he needs to put up with that. I felt sorry that she couldn’t be more happy or more open at work.
There were other women managers at Google and Silicon Valley who are similar, but she was probably worst in terms of abusing workers and taking credit for herself.
My point is this: you can “win” at work but still be complete loser when it comes to your life. Have priorities straight. Friends, Family. Peace, Loyalty. Your real relationships.
There you have it. These 7 traits you have to look out for because anything could be under those book covers. Try to not judge a book by its cover, but learn to spot signs of loser red flags. A loser is not someone who is down on their luck, but a long period and string of bad decisions that reflect a certain pattern and personality trait that affects you long term in a relationship. Seek out partners who are more empathetic, open minded, and willing to learn.