PUA Lingo Blog
One of the best PUA blogs around, with our thoughts on the seduction community as well as guest blog posts by some of the top pick up artists in the industry.
I got in touch with the guys at our local San Diego forum and they call themselves Efficient Pickup, focused on a premise of consistent pulls from the club instead of wasting time learning anything about game that doesn’t contribute to the same night lay. In their own words:
The full interview is here.
In it, we talk about:
- How to spot DTF girls
- How to pull
- How to deal with “rejection”
- How to move the set
- How to deal with bitches
- How to deal with AMOGs
- Logistics and what to say
Enjoy it! And please leave your comments below
Owen Cook calls himself a “red-headed, balding, pale ginger” while making fun of his “small penis” in front of a group of girls. “You have to be absolutely comfortable with your insecurities in this game”, he says as video footage of his in-field sets roll on during day 1.
At the end of the first day, I was conflicted.
- On one hand, I want to be a gentleman and classy.
- On the other, I want to get what’s mine, isn’t that being true to your natural desires?
Andy, one of the interns who stayed with me, had a talk with me about this during lunch. He says that I am socially conditioned into being a good guy but in reality, everyone wants/needs sex, and is that such a bad thing? And I started wondering, am I lying to myself to be “a good guy”, or is RSD’s view of the world, that all women secretly want sex, and that the secret society opens itself up to guys who are light, fun and able to communicate on that frequency, a reality that I was denying? Was it wrong to accept humanity for all of those flaws and do everything you can to win? Or, is life more than just winning? I don’t know the answers to these questions yet. However, I do have some amazing notes. Please keep in mind that these concepts dive deep into the mentality of a professional dating coach who spends the majority of his waking hours seducing girls in clubs and bars and different social situations. Take what value you can from it, and evolve as a human being based on your own desires and rationale as opposed to taking on the desires and MO of another person.
For those of you who don’t know what Hot Seat is (I have no financial affiliation with RSD):
Day 1 Notes. Video Footage: Owen Cook
Game amplifies basic human nature to have sex, procreate, and protect our loved ones. Mainly, it deals with the ability to procreate with desirable partners for the best genetic outcome.
A successful artist is someone who is:
1. Grounded in his principles, and yet,
2. Free in his thinking and wanting to be free in his journey
Game does not address the issues of love. It deals with the ability to add value and have sex with women. What we do after that and how we treat the woman depends on our personal ethics. Game is simply the ability and skill set. Much like a good lawyer has the ability to blackmail, extort, or otherwise win legally in the game of law, the artist’s goal is to seduce the woman and make her feel feel like she also had a win-win sexual exchange with the artist.
The girl wants you to fight for her. This is exciting to her and part of the struggle.
“If a girl rejects me, I wipe her within 2 seconds from my memory. She doesn’t exist”. This is hard to do Owen explains because most people have empathy. The ability to feel people’s emotions, therefore, from a bad interaction we will feel the negative emotions. With practice, you can move on more quickly from any rejections and onto other girls. You don’t lose time, or your own life, by doing this.
Overwhelm your “thinking brain” with action. A lot of times over analyzing a situation leads to paralysis. Action = reaction. Action = turns brain off, become in the moment instead of thinking and dwelling about it.
The criteria for success should be, “Did I take action tonight?
Question to ask yourself: “Do I have the sex life that I want?“. This should be the only criteria for your success. This is something personal to you, and you should not to others for approval or determination of this criteria of yours. Whatever you want is whatever you want.
If you go out and get 100 fails, even 1000 fails, and you found the love of your life? wouldn’t that be worth it?
This is about your journey and how far you have come. Don’t focus so much on results every time, but rather your individual learning and improvement. The results will become apparent once the focus becomes improving your knowledge and skills
Balance of power: “if this interaction ended, who would care more?” The person with more sexual power would care less.
AMOGs, and people who hate don’t know any better. They live in a world with a fixed, limited pie. A guy with a good attitude understands that there’s more than enough to go around. They don’t need to live in that world. (i.e. Steve Jobs)
If you don’t feel rejection, you may not feel emotions properly (i.e. sociopath), you come from a win/lose mentality instead of a “oneness” mentality.
A girl when she’s into you, will look deeply into your eyes. She’s seeing if you’re for real. Is this the guy who is going to take me on the adventure completely.
Position of Power: Who is chasing who in the relationship? This dynamic shifts and changes over time. However, it is important to be aware of it.
Tear-gasm: is a way to make a girl cum by squirting. Owen shows hand movement upward. It is supposed to be very strong and forceful and mentally you need to let her know she can let go and release without judgement.
Your words and your gaze can be hypnotic, you can use this by learning to deviate from your standard tonality and speaking differently as an experiment.
Clear energy – projecting a clear energy is related to your intent. I am here to do X,Y,Z.
Belief: Yes, I can go out tonight and get laid. It is easy if I follow the right steps.
Drunk girl game is actually harder. You can’t stimulate her intellectually, and you have to dumb down your game. Most of the girls on these videos are sober, or only had 1-2 drinks.
It is really hard to change someone’s priorities to yours. However, what you can do, it align your priorities so that your path eventually crosses with their trajectory, and you can convince them that you can travel together for the same goals.
A girl should always feel “no pressure”. There’s always a refund policy. Always leave her an exit, like its no big deal.
Compound movements like squats increase growth hormones and build muscle mass.
Practice a “look of non-chalence” (like you don’t care). High value guys have this and women generally respond to it. It doesn’t mean you have no expressions. It just means you are not easily amused or impressed by her.
Owen’s pickup method:
- See girl
- Good eye contact, body language, tonality
- Girl looks receptive yes/no. Flirt, game, joke, laugh until she does
- Try to move/escalate/kiss/lead
- Sometimes you have to deal with group, amog, logistics at this point
- Lead to isolation
- Sleep with her (no guilt, no judgement, sex is enjoyed by both parties)
Keep running girls through your funnel, and keep pushing for the close. Keep the momentum going. Usually it takes 6 months, about 180 days, go through 25-45 girls, to get 1 girlfriend who you really like. (Love was not discussed so much in this seminar)
Dealing with flakes:
- Ping: “red win or white”
- Random funny: “I miss you and want to see you, can you escape from the zoo?”
- Bribe: “I have tickets to XYZ concert”
- Insult Her: “you’re retarded because…”
- Long half court shot: “My mom died. I just need to know, why didn’t you answer my texts?”
Girls will always have something else to do other than fuck you. People always have priorities and for them “is it worth it?” you have to have enough VALUE to cut over her other priorities, seeking the emotional stimulation that only you can provide.
Key: you’re completely secure with yourself. People will call you names. Stereotype. Racist. All of it. Expect this in field, and be comfortable and secure with who you are. Haters words are just words. They should have no power to hurt or influence you. A hater’s game is mostly to deflate you or knock you out of state. If he does that, you lose. Physically fights don’t usually win the scenario due to bouncers or breaking social rules.
The John Carleton experiment – when people look tense, instead of happy/chill, the product is good, because they feel stress/pressure of the pain of not having it.
The more a girl is into you, the more giddy she is (little girl laughing)
Be funny. Be light. Remove commitment and seriousness from flirting. I.e. Russell Brand
If girl goes on a serious tangent, don’t follow in the beginning, light and laughing. Can be intermittently serious later on, but always lead it into a fun, light, non-judgmental territory.
Change her mood, not her mind.
Body language tip: when hit a spike or intense pressure, then lean back, hands in pocket, give her space
Try, if not, back off, and try again.
Train yourself to not take the negative feeling into the next set. Don’t let it “wound” you. Remove that power from people who are not in alignment with your goals in the pick up scenario.
“I don’t care if I insult her, I do what I want” vibe is important to understand, even if you don’t plan to be that type of PUA. Russell Brand can be insulting too however he usually adds light-hearted laughs into his words that lightens his remarks.
Girls who shit test a lot, are hoping a guy passes the test.
Fun, not a big deal vibe
Momentum of fun, sexuality
Personality vs. DNA
Personality- Her adapted state, society’s rules
DNA - Her biological circuitry
Both are powerful factors in game. However, her DNA is ingrained, personality can be developed via social conditioning. Social conditioning is an important concept to review and fully understand. Throughout history, society’s priorities have changed, not everything that is important or celebrated now was the same through different society’s in history.
Humanity = ability to provide value. Provide pure value. Give before you receive.
Making yourself feel good = making her feel good
We all have masculine and feminine energy ingrained in all of us.
- The experience and feeling of the experience
- On Your Purpose
When in a relationship (or love), I will compromise to her to a degree, but I will never “sell out” of my masculinity or my natural core. “I am on my purpose”
Think proactive, not reactive
Easiest pull = 2 guys, 2 girls
Or, when a girl is walking home alone (no judgement, social pressure)
Maximize pleasure, minimize reputation damage. Girl cannot suffer reputation damage.
Offer = refund guarantee, that person has nothing to lose. Take pride in servicing others, and making that person feel good. How do I make a great experience for someone else, and enjoy that experience?
Walk with her, always be leading, not following, or at least have to perception of leading.
- “Come. 2 seconds, 2 seconds”
- Just grabs the girl by the arm.
- Shh…… quiet woman!
- Will you get in trouble if your friends judge you? (If not, she’s qualifying she’s ok with leaving her friends with you)
- You’re rubbing me the wrong way. Here’s how you rub me the right way
- “Let’s go to a restaurant”. If no, “let’s just see the menu”. Always lower the cost of compliance.
- Owen always lifts the girl off her feet (literally) this spikes physical attraction and heart rate
- I’m going to marry you, divorce you, and take half your money! (Role reversal)
- Girl texting: “hey, are you… checking your stocks?’
- “fine, throw me away, like a piece of trash”
- “do it, I dare you”
- “Are you mind?” (Qualification)
- Don’t cockblock him!
- I don’t care. I’m very dominant
- “Booze and drugs? Fuck that shit. Those are a poor man’s pleasure. I have a higher source of spiritual nutrition”
- I’m perfection. (Jeffy: “Im so cool. My hairs so cool”)
- You’re too skinny for me.
- Fight for me. I fought for you.
- You, come here.
- “tell him I’m gay”
- “I’m not trying to fuck you, understand?”
- I can’t ____ (go to your house), I’m too shy
- I’ll walk you (to your car, home)
- “I need to pee” to get into the house
Day 2: Todd and Julien footage.
I missed a lot of Todd’s footage because I was on a date, however here are my notes from 9:30 to 1am.
Julien is good at:
- Setting the pace right away
- Self amused
- Breaking rapport tonality, then calibrating from a broken rapport phase
It is important to snap them out of “auto-pilot” responses quickly.
Sacrifice the lamb: the first ok-looking girl you’re going to use her to gain momentum and warmed up.
Priority in pick up- easy lays, vs. learning the higher skill-set. Learn the higher skill-set so that you’re not dependent on luck and self-sufficient. Understand evolving as a person and learning the game properly. Taking pride in acquiring new knowledge.
- How do I feel
- How does she feel
- Situation context (how hard is it, how many AMOGs, friends, group setting, etc)
How to keep talking no matter what:
Asking for pussy is like marketers asking you for money. You want to give everyone money if you could, but you realistically just can’t. A cool girl wants to fuck every guy she can, but she’s literally cannot there are too many other priorities that come up naturally. She has the prize.
Sexual appetite and preference changes with age, religion, being single, after a break-up, different life stages. It is ok.
A good business / marketing program gives a lot of avenues of value. 5/6 people heard of RSD over and over again. 1/6 people just buy right away. Over time, when you add enough value, people WILL convert. Same with girls and value added.
When a girl is into you she will give you the “bug-eyed” look (DDBL)
Sometimes, when you attack someone for no reason, they will want to seek validation (insecure girls)
Girls will chase you for validation. You’re too skinny, too fat. too this, that.
Mainstream narrative / consciousness says this/that, I don’t follow that.
Some % of girls will be in integrity with themselves. If that is true, they will have their shit together. A lot of girls / people do not.
Men’s spiritual connection is free, grounded, on your purpose
Women’s spiritual connection is beauty, comfort, love, decorative pieces and making the living space clean.
You can choose a woman who respects you only if you first respect yourself and are in integrity with yourself.
- Girl “you look like..” Julien: “I’m out of your league”
- 2 minutes, 2 minutes. Stop. Wait. Stop woman
- You’re a model? That’s fucking gay. Kidding. (calibrate)
- You. Stop. How does it feel to be stopped?
- Hug me like you’ve never hugged a man before
- So. How does that make you feel? He uses this multiple times
- She’s your best friend, she will understand
- Why don’t you love me?
- Disqualifying himself AFTER girl is committed to walking with him: What if I am some rapist? you don’t know anything about me
- I am a bit shy. Makes me more date-able
- You’re quirky. You have intense eyes
- Fuck them. Hangout with me.
- Don’t give me the doggy pat!
- Say “Daddy, I’m 12 and I’m sorry. Say it now!”
- I don’t judge
- Do you trust me? (compliance test) You shouldn’t trust me. I’m a total creeper (if IOD, calibrate)
- You can go if you want (exit out)
- “You can go, but… where are you from” – prevents exiting, starts new thread
- Do this (signal for her to take off glasses). Then pretend to leave, “nice meeting you”. Then come back. Kidding. You have nice eyes. I’m messing with you. You’re very cute.
- Deflection: “don’t worry about it”
- Point to another girl, “that’s my GF”
- It’s just the beginning, you don’t know me yet
- When girl asks for FB/number, “No, I don’t have anything!” (takes away her validation – this is dangerous just Julien’s game)
- “Say I love you” Girl: “no”. Julien: “Say, ‘call me”. Girl: “call me”
- No alcohol. No drugs. Perfection.
- As a side-note: “do you like me or hate me right now?” (quick tangent into forcing IOI)
- What’s my name?
- How does it feel… (to not have a soul?) Neg to real estate agent
- I really love… myself
- Beg for it
- Don’t look at your friend, she’s not going to help you
- You’re the worst kisser ever
- You can go if you want (leave exit open)
- I wish you loved me… as much as I love myself
- For a guy, I get better with age. For you, it is downhill from here
- I love it. Say “daddy I’m 12″
- Do you trust me enough to have a drink with me somewhere else?
- “say master please”. No? Say “master”. Now say “please”
- Emotional roller-coaster and fun and light conversation – different communication frequency
- I’m a waiter at Applebees. I just got promoted
- Is it because I’m Asian?
- Whip sound *Whpsh* woman! Pay attention
Owen Ends with this:
- Happiness is right now
- Tomorrow is not guaranteed
- A RSD student died, from a neck injury and subsequent suicide. Owen was in a car accident, looking at on-coming traffic, wishing he wasn’t the one in the accident. A lot of times we see accidents and think “thank God that isn’t me”, but really we are just as likely to get into that accident as anyone else. Death is hidden from us via society’s narrative / consciousness. Remember to live life your way, in a happy way, and learn and evolve.
- Enjoy the moment .When RSD was broke, Owen had as much fun as as it does now. It was exciting. So happiness is now in the moment, not in the future.
We recently launched a series that focused on high quality seduction product reviews. Here are the 3 first products we reviewed: 2 Girls Teach Sex, Female Mind Mastery, and Tao of Badass. Let us in on your thoughts about the quality of these videos:
2 Girls Teach Sex Review:
Tao of Badass Review:
Female Mind Mastery Review:
In episode 16 of our Masters Interview Series, I talk with the famed Gareth Jones of “Art of the Playboy“. We discuss:
- Gaming for lays vs. gaming for personal goals
- Club girls vs. more mellow girls
- How to game club girls
- Conveying value and “gaming” – what does it all mean?
- Long term vs. short term game
- How traveling affects your perception of life
- The difference between “classy” high value game vs. caveman game
- Where and how to find high quality AND physically attractive girls
The full interview is here on YouTube. Please like and subscribe!
I asked you what I could help you with, and you responded.
With a sample of over 1000 responses via PUA Lingo, I was able to put together how I can help most of our readers. Here is a pie chart showing the different issues that guys have when it comes to women and building a happy dating life: (click on the image to see the 100% enlarged version)
ISSUE #1: “I don’t have any confidence around women – I freeze up”
First thing I want to say: It’s cool. We’ve all been there.
Your body freezes up because of the anxiety that is created when you sense fear or the unknown. Physiologically our heart beats faster, sending more blood flow throughout the body. You may feel hot or that you’re blushing. Your feet won’t move due to the fight or flight response, and your body has chosen “flight”, and since in today’s society we can’t exactly run away from every girl we see, we can “act dead”. This is usually followed by over-rationalization or thinking up excuses of why you can’t approach the girl or being overly down on yourself.
In The Natural Art of Seduction Gambler talks about taking his friend out to the bar. The first time, they just sat there and hung out. The second time, Gambler demonstrated how to talk to a girl. Then they just hung out at the bar. Over the next 2 weeks, he slowly conditions his friend to be comfortable and “at home” in the club environment. Your mind recognizes no real threat or danger and you become more and more comfortable at the bar. At the end of his training, his friend was able to start talking to a girl, and kiss her at the bar. La Ruina remembers this moment as “I’ve trained a lot of students, but watching my friend get the result he wanted was one of the most rewarding moments of my life”.
Your first step is to take action, even if it is a small step in the right direction, at getting this handled. I wrote a more ‘natural’ way of learning game in my New Artist Guide, to go ahead and have a read and start there.
ISSUE #2: “I’m afraid to approach women & I don’t know what to say”
Your energy and your body Language are more important than anything you say.
No matter how good a routine, line, or combination of words are, it will never hook if you don’t have the right body language down.
This is because our body speaks the truth, while our words can be manipulated. Approximately,
- First, body language = 60% of our communication
- Tonality and Voice is 20%
- And finally, the words we use, is another 20%
If you need a good list of field tested routines as training wheels, you can find products like this. But remember that even if you have memorized lines, they are just there as external tools you use to realize the principles.
Once you get comfortable approaching and just saying “hi” or an opener of your choice in a masculine, male to female way, you can then work on furthering your conversational skills.
ISSUE #3: “I don’t know how to escalate and get physical with women”
Yes, physical escalation isn’t always necessary at the first meeting, but it is required to continue to courtship. In the Tao of Badass, Josh Pellicer talks about using your body for maximum efficiency. Your upper body presents what you want the world to think of you, with hand gestures and your face being the “face to the world”. Your lower body reflects your real thoughts. This is why presenters with both feet standing firmly on the ground have the most power in a room. Having a strong upper and lower body language is the best way to portray dominance to women. Alternatively, if you are already physically very present, you can lower the dominance level of your upper body to create comfort, and still have a strong lower body stance.
Escalation needs to happen in a subtle way, and no one tackles this problem better than Richard La Ruina (Gambler) in his Stealth Attraction series. He basically teaches you how to sexually escalate without tripper her defense mechanism or conscious response. This way you won’t ever get a flat out “no” response when escalating, and you can keep rinse and repeating the escalation until she opens up or lets you know where her limits are.
ISSUE #4: “I want to know how to start and keep a conversation going”
A lot of guys have this problem. Let me ask you: do you have a problem keeping a conversation going with your guy friends? No? If so, then what you have is a social issue that you need to address by making more friends. Then, apply these conversation skills to the girls you are speaking to.
One of the core issues of this problem is that the guy doesn’t think he’s worthy. Do you think you are equal or higher value to her? Do you “try” to “keep the conversation going” with a homeless person? Or your cleaning lady? No. Because there’s no need to. That hot girl is just a normal human being, and you need to realize this first to solve the core problem.
ISSUE #5: ”I need to improve my style and outer appearance”
I have personally seen an improvement in a guy’s style add immediate rewards in 2 ways.
One, he looks more confident and feels more confident about himself. This creates a cycle of positive reinforcement as he’s trying to learn something new in this game.
Second, women pay him more attention. This gives him more opportunities to chat with them, and less resistance when he goes for a connection (phone number, email).
You guys know I quit my job at Google to write Seduce With Style, and I still think this is the book to read on redefining your style efficiently to get the most value from your image.
ISSUE #6: “I’m new to this – I want the beginner skills with women”
You can have a read at my New Artist Guide (top left link) and also, this is a great letter I wrote after I got good at game to help a “younger version” of myself. It is called “Getting Started At Learning Game”
ISSUE #7: “How to create a lifestyle that women find attractive”
You make a good point there. Lifestyle is key for long term game. There are many ways to do this, depending on your station in life and your own unique personality. I remember reading Love System’s Social Circle Mastery by Nick and Braddock, and it talks about Social Connectors and Social Dead Ends, the difference between a Value Connector and Network Connector, and the concept of Social Trees.
A Value Connector, for example, could be an employee at Google who doesn’t have that many friends but can invite you to Google’s cafe’s for free lunch and get you an interview.
A Network Connector is someone who may work as a lowly bartender, but knows a ton of friends socially. Knowing him or her puts you in his network of hundreds of local friends.
ISSUE #8: “I want to increase my masculinity and better show my personality”
Personality conveyance is key, and also all game products focus on some level on bringing out your core personality, or gives you training wheels of displaying a certain type of personality. Much like a comedian or actor who is taking on new roles, you should play with this freely until you have some traits that you really resonate with.
ISSUE #9: “I want to learn how to be sexually skilled with women”
Obviously, experience makes this perfect. I’ve always highly recommended the 2 girls teach sex series as both EDUCATIONAL and ENTERTAINING. They recently launched a new series called “Female Mind Mastery“. There’s a technique called “deep impact”, which makes the women think that your junk is 1-2 inches longer than it actually is. I highly recommend both products, as they are all hosted online and accessed instantly.
For a more mental read on being “sex worthy”, Daniel Rose’s The Sex God Method really opened my eyes to all aspects of Sex Game. In it, he talks about the secret female fantasies that women don’t publicly admit.
ISSUE #10: “I’m anxious”
This has to do with being afraid or being in a new, high pressure environment. See my comments for issue #1.
ISSUE #11: “I want tips on Internet dating and meeting women online”
I don’t do so much online dating, however there are products that claim to solve this problem that I am investigating and testing. I will post more when I find out if they work or not.
ISSUE #12: “I want to know how the big-picture of dating works”
ISSUE #13: “I want to know how to make a relationship work”
Good suggestion. This is an issue not touched upon by most coaches, but it is so important! Maintaining a healthy relationship is just as important to having good game and being able to meet girls. How we handle relationships define who we are in the long run. The best product I have seen on this is Love System’s Relationship Management series.
ISSUE #14: “I want 1 on 1 coaching”
I currently don’t offer coaching, however I would suggest that you find a coach willing to work with you long term, because depending on your skill level it takes at least 3 months to get some traction with being good at picking up most girls that you meet. DJ Fuji has been my long term mentor and I’ve learned a lot from him.
Did you like what you read and found out from our survey of over 1000 guys who are just like you? Well sign up below after the “LIKE WHAT YOU READ?” Box and get very personal and specific questions and answers from the guys that I answer, personally in your inbox! You also get my bonus ebooks including the 10 Little Tips To Improve Your Style ebook.
As one of the founders of the seduction community, Style was an icon that helped millions of guys find “game” and the then-uncovered seduction world. This year, at 39, TMZ breaks the news of his marriage to Ingrid De La O. Nice to see that love is still possible for so called “pick up artists” or dating coaches. At the end of the day, maybe we just want to be loved?
Over the last few years since The Game came out, Style has moved on to other things. Being a writer, he wrote a book on survivalists, and even enlisted the help of his seduction email list to pick the cover for Emergency. Although thankful for game, Neil never built a solid business around the concept (except to hand over Stylelife Academy to several of his wings like Bravo). Neil has stayed in the Hollywood scene, but out of the radars of the pick up guys.
The last few years marked a string of pick up icons leaving the game, Nick Kho of RSD getting married, and Sinn saying he’s leaving the community at 30. I wonder what will be next? It is nice to see the guys of the game evolving into real men.